The graph compares the percentage of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK University in 2009.
Sample Response
The bar chart presents a comparison data between the percentages of UK and international students who achieved second class or higher degree from a UK university in 2009. It is quite obvious that more international students gained degrees from engineering and technology majors than local British students. Now getting back to the details, local UK students predominated the international students in terms of completing their second class or higher degrees from that particular university except in engineering and IT faculty. For instance, around 80% UK students got their degrees from sociology, art history and literature while the percentages of international students who achieved honours from the same subjects ranged from 65-70%. More foreign students dominated in majors related to engineering and information technology and approximately 10% more foreign students passed from these two majors than the local students who got their degrees from these faculties in the same year. Interestingly, almost an equal proportion of local and international students got their degree from nursing (roughly 78%) and accountancy (exactly 60%). Finally, merely 50% international students gained their degrees in international laws in this university against around 70% local students which represent the largest gap between the ratio of local and international degree holding students in this university.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun phrase Original: a comparison data Suggested revision: comparative data Why it matters: “Data” is uncountable here, so it cannot follow the singular article “a”.
- 2. Use correct degree form Original: achieved second class or higher degree Suggested revision: achieved second-class degrees or better Why it matters: The plural form and hyphenated modifier are needed when describing the students’ degree outcomes.
- 3. Use correct preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Students achieve degree classifications at a university, not from a university.
- 4. Signal the overview Original: It is quite obvious that Suggested revision: Overall, Why it matters: A direct overview marker is more concise and appropriately objective for a chart report.
- 5. Avoid redundancy Original: local British students Suggested revision: UK students Why it matters: “Local” and “British” duplicate the meaning already conveyed by “UK students”.
- 6. Use formal transition Original: Now getting back to the details, Suggested revision: Looking at the details, Why it matters: The original conversational transition is unsuitable for a formal report.
- 7. Fix verb choice Original: predominated Suggested revision: outperformed Why it matters: “Predominate” is not used transitively to compare one group’s results with another’s.
- 8. Describe the measure accurately Original: in terms of completing their second class or higher degrees Suggested revision: in gaining second-class degrees or better Why it matters: The chart measures attainment of a classification, not completion of the degrees themselves.
- 9. Match chart categories Original: engineering and IT faculty Suggested revision: electrical engineering and information technology Why it matters: These are the two category names shown in the chart.
- 10. Add partitive preposition Original: 80% UK students Suggested revision: 80% of UK students Why it matters: A percentage followed by a noun group requires “of”.
- 11. Use subject preposition Original: from Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Academic subjects take the preposition “in” when naming the field of a degree.
- 12. Use exact category Original: literature Suggested revision: English literature Why it matters: The chart specifically labels this subject as English literature.
Suggested Rewrites
- a comparison data comparative data
- achieved second class or higher degree achieved second-class degrees or better
- from at
- It is quite obvious that Overall,
- local British students UK students
- Now getting back to the details, Looking at the details,
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear overall comparison and covers nearly every subject with several useful figures. Its main limitation is numerical precision: the engineering and IT gaps are much larger than stated, and international law is not the largest difference. Prioritise checking each quoted gap and superlative against the chart, then present the overview and details in distinct paragraphs while refining awkward comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies the broad pattern and reports most categories accurately, but it misstates the engineering and IT gaps and incorrectly labels international law as the largest difference.
Check every comparative claim against the bars, especially gap sizes and any claim using a superlative.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses from an overview to relevant comparisons, but the entire report is presented as one dense paragraph and some linking is mechanical.
Separate the overview and grouped details into clear paragraphs, using transitions only where the relationship between comparisons requires them.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for describing proportions and comparisons, although several collocations such as "predominated the international students" and "passed from these two majors" are unnatural.
Use precise chart language such as "outnumbered," "was higher than," and "the proportion graduating in" instead of forcing less suitable synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the comparisons clearly, but article, agreement, plural, and relative-clause errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases and verb agreement carefully, particularly after percentages and in sentences containing "which."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph compares the percentage of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK University in 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.