The table below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled from 1994 – 1998. The bar chart shows their destinations over the same period.
Sample Response
The chart illustrates the survey conducted with travellers about the purpose of the visit when they moved abroad. There were one lakh samples collected to make a report on the visitor moment. The bar chart depicts several locations where commuters stayed for over four years.
Overall, it is immediately apparent from the chart that most travellers visit abroad for holidays, and this trend has increased over the years. The least number of passengers visited international trips for other reasons.
In detail, in 1994 the highest number of travellers visited abroad to spend their holidays with a share of 15246, but this ratio declined to 14898 after one year. Surprisingly, the total number of travellers who visited international countries increased to 17,896 in 1996, finally reaching 20,700 after four years. Moreover, a few segments of people shifted abroad for their businesses and other reasons, accounting for 3155 and 982 respectively in 1994. Still, this value changed and surged at 3249 in businesses and 1030 for other reasons after two years. Next, in the business category, people’s interest inclined at 3957. Unfortunately, people declined a trip for different reasons at 919 in their final years.
Furthermore, in 1994 the trend of travellers visited in Western Europe country was hiked with shares at nearby 2000 and North America, another area that was least popular which had an insignificant value. Still, the total number in Western Europe increased to above 20,000 after two years and finally hits its peak at 25,000 in the final year, unfortunately – two nations were less popular over the years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Identify the table Original: The chart illustrates Suggested revision: The table summarises Why it matters: The purpose-of-visit data are presented in a table, while the separate bar chart shows destinations.
- 2. Report sample clearly Original: one lakh samples Suggested revision: 100,000 responses Why it matters: The task states that the survey sampled 100,000 people, so an internationally clear numerical form is needed.
- 3. Correct word choice Original: visitor moment Suggested revision: travel patterns Why it matters: Moment does not express the survey's information about travel behaviour.
- 4. State exact scope Original: several locations Suggested revision: the three destination regions Why it matters: The bar chart compares Western Europe, North America and Other Areas.
- 5. Use traveller term Original: commuters Suggested revision: travellers Why it matters: Commuters normally make regular local journeys and is inaccurate for overseas visitors.
- 6. Correct time meaning Original: stayed for over four years Suggested revision: visited from 1994 to 1998 Why it matters: The chart covers annual visits across five years, not stays lasting more than four years.
- 7. Reference correct visual Original: chart Suggested revision: table Why it matters: The holiday and other-reason categories appear in the table.
- 8. Keep past tense Original: visit Suggested revision: travelled Why it matters: The survey reports a completed period from 1994 to 1998.
- 9. Name the trend Original: this trend has increased Suggested revision: holiday travel generally increased Why it matters: The revised wording identifies what changed and acknowledges the small fall in 1995.
- 10. Use count comparison Original: The least number of passengers Suggested revision: The fewest travellers Why it matters: Fewest is the correct superlative for a countable group of people.
- 11. Correct collocation Original: visited international trips Suggested revision: travelled abroad Why it matters: People take trips or travel abroad; they do not visit trips.
- 12. Report a count Original: with a share of 15246 Suggested revision: at 15,246 Why it matters: This figure is a number of visits rather than a percentage share.
Suggested Rewrites
- The chart illustrates The table summarises
- one lakh samples 100,000 responses
- visitor moment travel patterns
- several locations the three destination regions
- commuters travellers
- stayed for over four years visited from 1994 to 1998
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a recognisable overview and sensibly divides the purpose data from the destination data, with several holiday and business figures reported correctly. Its main limitation is incomplete and sometimes inaccurate coverage, especially the omission of visits to friends and relatives and the claim that Western Europe began near 2,000 rather than about 19,000. The highest-priority improvement is to select accurate figures for every major category and compare the dominant trends clearly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies holidays as the leading purpose and notes growth, but it omits a whole purpose category and gives a major inaccurate destination figure.
Include visits to friends and relatives, summarise the total rise, and report Western Europe at about 19,000 in 1994 before comparing it with the other destinations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview, and two detail sections provide a visible structure, although progression within paragraphs is weakened by unclear references and misused connectors.
Group figures by consistent trends and ensure words such as still, surprisingly, and unfortunately express a real logical relationship.
Lexical Resource
Some appropriate reporting vocabulary is attempted, but frequent collocational errors such as visitor moment, commuters stayed, and interest inclined reduce clarity and precision.
Use a smaller set of accurate data-description phrases, including travelled abroad, rose to, fell to, and accounted for.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but agreement, tense, article, preposition, and clause-structure errors recur and sometimes obscure comparisons.
Build shorter complete clauses with consistent past tense and check subject-verb agreement before combining them into complex sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled from 1994 – 1998. The bar chart shows their destinations over the same period.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.