The graphs show the changes in the UK industry steel between 1970 and 2000.
Sample Response
The line graph compares the changes in the total demand for steel in the UK, its production and imports from 1970 to 2000, while the second graph shows the employment figures in this industry during the same period.
Overall, while the demand for steel and the production of steel in the UK both decreased, steel imports increased. In addition, there were fewer people working in this industry over the 30year period.
In 1970, the total demand for steel in the UK was around 200,000, which was nearly ten times as high as the amount of steel it imported. Over the following three decades, both the demand and production of steel decreased by approximately 50%, while the amount of steel imported rose from approximately 10,000 to 75,000.
The number of people employed in the steel industry stood at 50000 in 1970 when the demand for steel in the UK was high and the amount of steel imported was low. Over the following years, the employment figures in the steel industry continued to decline to around 18,000 in the year 2000.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce repetition Original: the demand for steel and the production of steel Suggested revision: steel demand and production Why it matters: The concise noun phrase avoids repeating ‘steel’ without changing the meaning.
- 2. Hyphenate the modifier Original: 30year Suggested revision: 30-year Why it matters: A compound adjective before a noun requires a hyphen.
- 3. Correct the comparison Original: nearly ten times as high Suggested revision: about twenty times as high Why it matters: In 1970, total demand was about 200,000 while imports were about 10,000.
- 4. Format the number Original: 50000 Suggested revision: 50,000 Why it matters: Use a comma to group the thousands consistently with the other figures.
- 5. Correct employment data Original: 18 Suggested revision: 16 Why it matters: The employment graph ends at approximately 16,000 in 2000.
- 6. Clarify the units Suggested revision: State the different units used for steel values and employment figures when introducing the two graphs. Why it matters: Readers need the units to interpret the values accurately.
- 7. Include intermediate changes Suggested revision: Add the pronounced fall in demand from about 175,000 in 1980 to just over 100,000 in 1990. Why it matters: The endpoint-only summary omits the period of steepest decline.
- 8. Show the steepest fall Suggested revision: Mention that employment fell most sharply between 1980 and 1990, from about 40,000 to 20,000. Why it matters: This key intermediate comparison strengthens coverage of the second graph.
Suggested Rewrites
- the demand for steel and the production of steel steel demand and production
- 30year 30-year
- nearly ten times as high about twenty times as high
- 50000 50,000
- 18 16
- Clarify the units State the different units used for steel values and employment figures when introducing the two graphs.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear, well-organised account of all four measures and accurately captures their contrasting overall directions. Its main limitation is that it relies heavily on endpoints and includes an inaccurate comparison between demand and imports in 1970. The most valuable improvement would be to add selected intermediate-year comparisons while checking ratios and final values carefully against both graphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview covers all major trends and the endpoint data are mostly accurate, though the 1970 demand-to-import ratio is misstated and intermediate changes receive little attention.
Add one or two comparisons from 1980 or 1990 and report that 1970 demand was about twenty times imports rather than nearly ten times.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to steel values and then employment, with cohesive devices and paragraphing managed effectively.
Preserve this structure while making the relationship between the two graphs even more explicit through a concise cross-chart comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is accurate and appropriate for describing industrial trends, although repeated terms such as 'amount of steel' and 'steel industry' limit flexibility slightly.
Vary repeated wording selectively with precise alternatives such as 'output', 'import volume', and 'the sector', without sacrificing clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately, and the response is largely error-free apart from minor presentation issues such as '30year'.
Maintain the strong structural control while proofreading compound modifiers and numerical formatting, for example '30-year period' and '50,000'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs show the changes in the UK industry steel between 1970 and 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.