The graph below gives information about the main purposes of overseas residents' visit to the UK between 2000 and 2016.
Sample Response
The line graph outlines people’s main purposes to travel to the United Kingdom between 2000 and 2016. As can be seen, enjoying holidays, meeting friends and relatives and business needs were the foremost reasons people from different countries went to the UK during the period and those travellers’ number grew over the time. As the diagram suggests, almost 10 million holiday seekers travelled to the UK in 2000 while roughly 7 million went there for business purposes. Around 6 million travelled to the country to meet someone while another 3 million went to the UK for numerous other purposes. 2 million holiday seekers added to the list and after a decade nearly 12 million holiday seekers visited the UK. During this time, around 6 million business people, 8.5 million ordinary travellers to meet people reached the country. It is interesting to notice that the total travellers' number in 2016 was almost 10 million higher than that of 2000 and the highest number of people in 2016 travelled to the United Kingdom to enjoy their vacations. Moreover, the number of people who went there to meet relatives of friends also developed significantly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix purpose phrase Original: purposes to travel Suggested revision: purposes for travelling Why it matters: Purpose is followed naturally by for plus a gerund in this construction.
- 2. Natural travel phrase Original: enjoying Suggested revision: taking Why it matters: Taking holidays is more natural for a category of travel.
- 3. Use chart category Original: business needs Suggested revision: business Why it matters: The graph labels this purpose simply as business.
- 4. Match population label Original: people from different countries Suggested revision: overseas residents Why it matters: Overseas residents is the population specified by the graph.
- 5. Fix possessive phrase Original: those travellers’ number Suggested revision: the number of those travellers Why it matters: The number of is the correct structure for this count.
- 6. Remove article Original: over the time Suggested revision: over time Why it matters: The fixed expression is over time without the article.
- 7. Name the visual Original: As the diagram suggests Suggested revision: As the graph shows Why it matters: Graph is the accurate label and shows is more direct than suggests for data.
- 8. Use visitor term Original: seekers Suggested revision: visitors Why it matters: Holiday visitors is a neutral term for this travel category.
- 9. Concise business phrase Original: went there for business purposes Suggested revision: visited for business Why it matters: This expresses the purpose more directly and concisely.
- 10. Name exact purpose Original: meet someone Suggested revision: visit friends or relatives Why it matters: The graph's category is specifically visits to friends or relatives.
- 11. Use chart label Original: numerous other purposes Suggested revision: miscellaneous purposes Why it matters: Miscellaneous is the category used by the graph.
- 12. Correct conjunction Original: of Suggested revision: or Why it matters: The intended alternatives require or, not of.
Suggested Rewrites
- purposes to travel purposes for travelling
- enjoying taking
- business needs business
- people from different countries overseas residents
- those travellers’ number the number of those travellers
- over the time over time
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview of the main purposes and accurately reports several useful figures for 2000 and 2010, with holiday travel correctly identified as dominant. Coverage is nevertheless uneven: important later values and fluctuations are omitted, and the claimed total increase by 2016 is understated. Prioritise a fuller comparison of all four series across the period, especially their end points, while tightening awkward sentence structures and data collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the leading purposes and growth, and several figures are accurate, but later values, fluctuations, and the stable miscellaneous series receive limited coverage.
Compare the 2016 end points for all four purposes and mention the mid-period falls in business and visits to friends or relatives.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves logically from the overview to selected starting and mid-period data, though dense paragraphing and vague time references weaken progression.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping the two higher-growth series apart from business and miscellaneous visits.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably varied range describes purpose and change, but expressions such as holiday seekers added and travellers' number are unnatural.
Prefer precise combinations such as the number of holiday visitors rose and visits to friends or relatives increased.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but recurring errors in articles, possessives, agreement, and clause construction are noticeable.
Rewrite compressed data sentences with complete parallel clauses and check possessive forms such as the number of travellers.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the main purposes of overseas residents' visit to the UK between 2000 and 2016.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.