The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001.
Sample Response
The line graph gives data on the proportion of children with respects to the total young population in the UK between 1990 and 2001. The proportion of children are categories in four age groups. Overall, the ratio of infants, between 0 to 4 years old, declined over the period while 10 to 14 years youngsters’ percentage increased in the UK. As can be seen in the diagram, just over a quarter of the UK children was 15 to 19 years old in 1990 while a similar proportion was 0 to 4 years old at that time. Just over 24% of young British were between 5 to 9 years old while 23% of them were 10 to 14 years old. With an increase from 1990 to 1992, the proportion of infants kept on decreasing and in 2001 accounted for over 23% of total youth. With a steady slump till 1996, 15-19 years old constituted a quarter of young British in 2001. Moving further, 10-14 years British dominated the young generation in the UK with a steady increase in their percentage in later years despite their least proportion in early years. Finally, 5-9 years British children were over 26% during 1995-1997 but their ratio declined and finally stood at just over 25% in 2001.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the expression Original: respects Suggested revision: respect Why it matters: With respect to is the fixed singular expression.
- 2. Name the age group Original: ratio of infants, between 0 to 4 years old Suggested revision: proportion of children aged 0–4 Why it matters: Proportion and an age-range modifier describe this population group more accurately.
- 3. Fix age-group form Original: 10 to 14 years youngsters’ percentage Suggested revision: the percentage of 10- to 14-year-olds Why it matters: The age range needs a compound plural noun rather than the possessive construction used.
- 4. Fix agreement and phrasing Original: the UK children was 15 to 19 years old Suggested revision: the UK's young population was aged 15 to 19 Why it matters: The revised phrase correctly describes a proportion of the population and maintains singular agreement.
- 5. Use aged construction Original: while a similar proportion was 0 to 4 years old Suggested revision: while a similar proportion was aged 0 to 4 Why it matters: A proportion cannot itself be years old, so aged is needed before the range.
- 6. Name people naturally Original: Just over 24% of young British Suggested revision: Just over 24% of young people in Britain Why it matters: Young British is not a natural noun phrase for the population being described.
- 7. Pair the prepositions Original: to Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Between must be paired with and when giving a range.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: 23% of them Suggested revision: 23% of the young population Why it matters: The explicit denominator avoids an unclear pronoun reference in a data description.
- 9. Fix age-group order Original: 10-14 years British Suggested revision: British children aged 10–14 Why it matters: English places the nationality before children and introduces the range with aged.
- 10. Use neutral chart language Original: dominated the young generation Suggested revision: formed the largest age group Why it matters: The replacement states the comparative feature precisely without overstating it.
- 11. Specify the period Original: in later years Suggested revision: over the period Why it matters: The chart shows an overall increase across the full period, so the time reference can be more precise.
- 12. Clarify the contrast Original: despite their least proportion in early years Suggested revision: after having the smallest proportion in 1990 Why it matters: The revision uses a grammatical construction and identifies the relevant starting comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- respects respect
- ratio of infants, between 0 to 4 years old proportion of children aged 0–4
- 10 to 14 years youngsters’ percentage the percentage of 10- to 14-year-olds
- the UK children was 15 to 19 years old the UK's young population was aged 15 to 19
- while a similar proportion was 0 to 4 years old while a similar proportion was aged 0 to 4
- Just over 24% of young British Just over 24% of young people in Britain
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is broad coverage: all four age groups are discussed and the overview correctly notes the fall among 0–4-year-olds and rise among 10–14-year-olds. However, the single-paragraph presentation weakens organisation, and several trend descriptions are imprecise, especially the claimed steady fall in the 15–19 group to 1996. Prioritise grouping the lines by trend and reporting turning points accurately, then proofread age-group noun phrases and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview captures two major opposing trends and all four groups receive relevant figures, but several movements and time spans are reported imprecisely.
Describe the 15–19 group's fall only to 1994 before its recovery and give accurate turning points for the 0–4 and 5–9 groups.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move from an overview through the four series in a generally understandable order, but the entire report is compressed into one paragraph.
Separate the overview and group the declining and rising age categories into distinct detail paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of trend language, though repeated words such as 'ratio' and awkward phrases like 'young British' reduce naturalness.
Use precise terms such as 'share', '0–4 age group', 'young population', 'fell', and 'recovered'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, but agreement, plural forms, prepositions, and age-group noun phrases contain recurring errors.
Proofread constructions such as 'the proportions are divided', 'children aged 15–19 were', and 'between 0 and 4 years old'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001.
Your response
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