The graph below shows the comparison between the number of applicants and the number of students who were granted admission in a university. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown in the diagram below. Application and admission 1993-2003
Sample Response
The column graph shows a comparison data between the number of applicants and the number of accepted students in a university over a decade, commencing from 1993. Overall, the number of applicants to this university remarkably increased each year despite a stable acceptance rate by the university authority. According to the illustration, around 250 students applied for admission to that university and almost 200 of them were granted. Next year, applicants went up to approximately 800 but half of them were rejected. The number of admission seekers to this institute steadily surged and in 2000 more than 3 thousand pupils attempted for admission. However, at this time only 600 of them were granted admission which means 80% applications were rejected in this year. This university accepted around 500 to 700 students each year from 1996 to 2003 despite a hike in the number of candidates. In 2002 and 2003 the university received around 4000 to 4500 application while they approved around 650 students’ admission. To get admitted in this university a candidate had to compete with 5-7 other applicants in 2003.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable noun form Original: a comparison data Suggested revision: comparative data Why it matters: ‘Data’ does not take the article ‘a’ in this construction.
- 2. More natural wording Original: accepted students in a university Suggested revision: students admitted to a university Why it matters: ‘Admitted to’ is the natural collocation for university entry.
- 3. Simpler time phrase Original: commencing from 1993 Suggested revision: beginning in 1993 Why it matters: This wording states the starting year more naturally.
- 4. Correct adverb placement Original: remarkably increased Suggested revision: increased markedly Why it matters: ‘Increased markedly’ is the standard collocation for a substantial rise.
- 5. Correct overview feature Original: a stable acceptance rate by the university authority Suggested revision: the relatively stable number of admissions Why it matters: The chart shows admissions staying near 600–700 while applications rise, so the acceptance rate falls rather than remains stable.
- 6. Complete verb meaning Original: granted Suggested revision: admitted Why it matters: ‘Granted’ requires an object, whereas ‘admitted’ is complete here.
- 7. Use chart term Original: admission seekers Suggested revision: applicants Why it matters: ‘Applicants’ is the precise and concise term used for this group.
- 8. Avoid conflicting modifiers Original: steadily surged Suggested revision: rose steadily Why it matters: ‘Surged’ suggests a sudden jump and conflicts with ‘steadily’.
- 9. Wrong group label Original: pupils Suggested revision: applicants Why it matters: The people shown are university applicants, not school pupils.
- 10. Correct application phrase Original: attempted Suggested revision: applied Why it matters: ‘Apply for admission’ is the correct collocation.
- 11. Use exact time reference Original: at this time Suggested revision: in that year Why it matters: The reference is to 2000, so a year-based linker is clearer.
- 12. Fix clause and article Original: granted admission which means 80% applications Suggested revision: granted admission, meaning that about 80% of applications Why it matters: The revision supplies the required preposition and correctly attaches the explanatory clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- a comparison data comparative data
- accepted students in a university students admitted to a university
- commencing from 1993 beginning in 1993
- remarkably increased increased markedly
- a stable acceptance rate by the university authority the relatively stable number of admissions
- granted admitted
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response selects the central rise in applications and supports it with several broadly accurate figures, while its sequencing remains easy to follow. However, the overview incorrectly describes the acceptance rate as stable when admissions remained fairly level and the proportion admitted fell sharply. The highest-priority improvement is to distinguish absolute admission numbers from the acceptance rate and present the key contrast accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report covers the main rise in applications and several relevant figures, but its overview confuses stable admission numbers with a stable acceptance rate.
State that admissions levelled off at roughly 600-700 while applications continued rising, causing the proportion admitted to fall substantially.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the early years to the later period, although presenting the entire report as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs so that the early growth and later divergence are easier to compare.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range for describing change and admission, but several collocations such as 'attempted for admission' are unnatural.
Use precise combinations such as 'applied for admission,' 'applications rose,' and 'the university admitted 650 students.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is generally controlled, despite recurring article, plural, and noun-form errors.
Check countable nouns and determiners carefully, especially forms such as 'applications,' 'the applications,' and 'students were admitted.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the comparison between the number of applicants and the number of students who were granted admission in a university. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown in the diagram below. Application and admission 1993-2003
Your response
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