The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.
Sample Response
This graph shows the kinds of activities done by old people in their spare time, covering a period from the 1980s to now in the United States. We can see that generally the activities listed have been increasing in popularity amongst the elderly, with hiking increasing steadily throughout the years, and watching TV being the most popular overall. In the 1980s, nearly all activities were growing in popularity. The only activity which was becoming less popular over these years was going to the theatre. Going to the theatre declined steeply from 50% to 30%. This changed in the 1990s, and going to the theatre became more popular, whereas reading saw a dramatic drop in popularity. The number of people doing all other activities increased. This century, hiking, reading, going to the theatre and surfing the Internet have all been increasing in popularity. However, watching TV has been decreasing in popularity. Despite this, watching TV is still the second most popular activity nowadays amongst this group. Most elderly people are hiking nowadays in their spare time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal wording Original: old Suggested revision: elderly Why it matters: This wording is more appropriate for a formal academic report.
- 2. Name the final period Original: covering a period from the 1980s to now Suggested revision: covering the period from the 1980s to the 2010s Why it matters: The x-axis identifies the final plotted period as the 2010s.
- 3. Qualify the trend Original: activities listed have been increasing Suggested revision: listed activities increased overall Why it matters: The theatre ended below its initial level, while television fell slightly in the final interval.
- 4. Use precise reference Original: years Suggested revision: period Why it matters: This phrase refers more precisely to the time span displayed on the graph.
- 5. Specify the interval Original: over these years Suggested revision: between the 1980s and 1990s Why it matters: Naming the two plotted periods makes the timing of the decline explicit.
- 6. Correct the interval Original: This changed in the 1990s Suggested revision: The pattern changed between the 1990s and 2000s Why it matters: The rise in theatre attendance and fall in reading occur between these two plotted points.
- 7. Specify the decades Original: This century Suggested revision: Between the 2000s and 2010s Why it matters: The replacement matches the exact interval represented by the final two data points.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: In the 1980s, nearly all activities were growing in popularity. Suggested revision: Between the 1980s and 1990s, four of the five activities became more popular. Why it matters: Each point is a decade value, so the sentence should describe the change between plotted periods.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: The number of people doing all other activities increased. Suggested revision: The proportions participating in the other three activities all increased. Why it matters: The graph reports percentages rather than absolute numbers, and three remaining activities rose in this interval.
- 10. Add key figures Suggested revision: Support the final-period comparison with the 2010s values for hiking, television, and reading. Why it matters: The response identifies their ranking but omits the percentages that quantify the main endpoint differences.
Suggested Rewrites
- old elderly
- covering a period from the 1980s to now covering the period from the 1980s to the 2010s
- activities listed have been increasing listed activities increased overall
- years period
- over these years between the 1980s and 1990s
- This changed in the 1990s The pattern changed between the 1990s and 2000s
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its accurate summary of the main changes, including hiking’s steady rise and the reversal in theatre attendance. Its main limitation is that most trends are described without enough figures, which weakens the precision of the comparisons. Prioritise supporting the overview with selected start, turning-point, and end values across the five activities.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and trend descriptions are accurate and cover all activities, but supporting data are limited mainly to theatre attendance.
Add selected figures for the major rises, falls, and final rankings to substantiate the comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves coherently through the decades and uses contrast effectively, although the single-paragraph presentation weakens structural separation.
Place the overview in its own paragraph and organise the detailed trends into clearly related groups.
Lexical Resource
Trend vocabulary is varied and generally accurate, though popularity is repeated and old people is less appropriately formal.
Use precise alternatives such as proportion, participation, elderly people, rose, and recovered to reduce repetition and improve register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a varied range of complex structures with strong accuracy and clear control throughout.
Keep the grammatical range while using time references that correspond exactly to the historical periods shown.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.