The graph below shows U.S. government spending on research between 1980 and 2008.
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the US government spending on research from 1980 to 2008.
Overall, the figure for health experienced an upward trend during this period, while it was the highestit accounted for the most among all the types. Meanwhile,On the other hand, the figure for general science remained the lowest during this period.
After a slight decrease from nearly 8 billion US dollars in 1980 to around 7 billion US dollars in 1984, the figure for health experienced a sharp increase to a peak of approximately 22 billion US dollars in 2004, then fell to about 18 billion US dollars in 2008. By contrast, the figure for general science fluctuated slightly, finally from about 3 billion US dollars in 1980 to 5 billion US dollars in 2008.
Furthermore, the figures for space, energy and other research fluctuated slightly. One of the most notablespecial features was that the three figures remained the same from 1984 to 1994, standing at 5 billion US dollars. After that, the figure for other researchfigure for other experienced a steady increase to about 8 billion US dollars, then dropped back to 5 billion US dollarsto 5 billion US dollars again, while the figure for space continued to rise slightly by 2008to the end.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The candidate effectively presents a clear summary of the trends with a well-developed overview comparing the key expenditure categories over time. Paragraphing and cohesive markers are logically organized, facilitating effortless tracking of data points across the chart. To reach higher bands, the writer should refine precision when describing data intervals and reduce repetitive phrases like 'the figure for'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers the main trends effectively and provides a clear overall overview highlighting the highest and lowest spending categories.
Ensure all reported timeframes and values strictly align with the chart, such as noting that the three flatlined categories met until 1992 rather than 1994.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically across clear paragraphs with effective transition signals connecting ideas smoothly.
Vary cohesive phrases slightly more to avoid relying on repetitive patterns like 'By contrast' and 'Furthermore'.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary is used appropriately, including precise verbs and nouns like 'peak', 'upward trend', and 'fluctuated'.
Incorporate more varied referential expressions to avoid repeatedly writing 'the figure for' when introducing data.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad mix of sentence structures is used accurately, demonstrating strong grammatical control throughout the essay.
Maintain sentence precision by checking prepositional phrases following complex participial clauses.