The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in the USA.
Sample Response
The given bar graph depicts the information related to heart attacks by age and sex in the United States of America.
It is clear from the graph that in the age group of 29 to 44, there are more men (123) as compared to women (3) who are prone to heart attacks. In the age group of 45 to 64, the number of boys climbed to (424) whereas, the figures of ladies (136) are still less than the number of males who are attached to a heart attack.
Furthermore, the number of males and females shoot up drastically in the age group of senior citizens. (374) women are prone to a heart attack, while men (440) are likely to be more attacked by a heart attack.
Overall, the number of men are more as compared to women who are prone to heart attacks in all age groups in the USA.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct wording Original: information related to heart attacks Suggested revision: annual heart-attack figures Why it matters: This directly names the measure displayed by the chart.
- 2. Format age range Original: 29 to 44 Suggested revision: 29–44 Why it matters: An en dash expresses the age range concisely.
- 3. Include chart units Original: more men (123) as compared to women (3) Suggested revision: 123 thousand men compared with 3 thousand women Why it matters: The vertical axis states that all figures are in thousands.
- 4. Format age range Original: 45 to 64 Suggested revision: 45–64 Why it matters: An en dash expresses the age range concisely.
- 5. Use correct group Original: boys Suggested revision: men Why it matters: The chart category is adult men rather than boys.
- 6. State value fully Original: climbed to (424) Suggested revision: rose to 424 thousand Why it matters: The value is an annual figure in thousands, and parentheses are unnecessary.
- 7. Remove incorrect comma Original: whereas, Suggested revision: whereas Why it matters: A comma should not follow whereas in this clause.
- 8. Correct comparison Original: the figures of ladies (136) are still less than the number of males Suggested revision: the figure for women, at 136 thousand, was still lower than that for men Why it matters: The replacement fixes agreement, tense, register, units, and the comparison form.
- 9. Correct word choice Original: attached to a heart attack Suggested revision: affected by heart attacks Why it matters: Attached does not express experiencing a heart attack.
- 10. Correct tense and measure Original: the number of males and females shoot up drastically Suggested revision: the figures for both men and women rose Why it matters: The chart compares two separate past figures, and the men's increase from the preceding group is small.
- 11. Name age group exactly Original: age group of senior citizens Suggested revision: 65+ age group Why it matters: This matches the category label used in the chart.
- 12. Report count accurately Original: (374) women are prone to a heart attack Suggested revision: 374 thousand women had heart attacks Why it matters: The chart reports annual cases in thousands, not susceptibility.
Suggested Rewrites
- information related to heart attacks annual heart-attack figures
- 29 to 44 29–44
- more men (123) as compared to women (3) 123 thousand men compared with 3 thousand women
- 45 to 64 45–64
- boys men
- climbed to (424) rose to 424 thousand
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response includes every age group and both genders, and its chronological organisation makes the broad rise with age easy to follow. However, it describes people as being prone to attacks instead of reporting annual attack totals, omits the thousands unit, and uses several unnatural phrases. Prioritise precise chart language and units, especially when identifying what the numbers measure and summarising both the age trend and gender gap.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All six values are reported accurately and the overview identifies the consistent gender gap, but the response omits the thousands unit and does not clearly summarise the increase with age.
Describe the figures as annual heart-attack totals in thousands and include both the age-related rise and the narrowing gender gap in the overview.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows the age groups in a logical sequence and uses clear paragraphing, though connections are sometimes mechanical.
Link comparisons more directly within each age group and avoid unnecessary transitions where the chronological order already provides progression.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in trend and comparison vocabulary, but repeated inappropriate terms such as “boys,” “ladies,” “attached,” and “more attacked” reduce precision.
Use neutral labels such as “men” and “women” alongside accurate phrases such as “recorded” or “experienced heart attacks.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex comparative sentences, but agreement, tense, punctuation, and passive-form errors occur frequently despite generally clear meaning.
Maintain consistent past tense and correct subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences comparing male and female totals.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in the USA.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.