The bar charts below provide information about honey production and honey-producing colonies in the five American states in 2006.
Sample Response
The yielded bar charts demonstrate the number of honey-producing colonies and honey production in five American states, North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, Minnesota, and Wisconsin, in 2006.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that North Dakota had the most honey-producing colonies whereas Wisconsin had the least additionally, for honey production, those had more colonies, those states had more production.
South Dakota had 220000 colonies for honey-producing colonies, which were second-highest among five states; this state’s number of honey-producing colonies was double that Montana had. Montana and Minnesota had the same number of colonies. In addition, with 350000 bee colonies, North Dakota was on top of the tables while Wisconsin had half the numbers as Minnesota.
For honey production, North Dakota honey production was 26 million pounds which was far higher than others. Honey production in South Dakota, Montana, and Minnesota was roughly identical; Minnesota had only 1 million pounds less than South Dakota and Montana. Furthermore, the lowest Wisconsin profit was only 6 million pounds.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the chart count Original: yielded Suggested revision: two Why it matters: Yielded does not describe charts, while the visual contains two bar charts.
- 2. Show the slight difference Original: the same number Suggested revision: similar numbers Why it matters: Montana has about 130,000 colonies and Minnesota about 125,000, so their figures are close but not equal.
- 3. Use the possessive Original: Dakota Suggested revision: Dakota's Why it matters: The possessive form correctly links the state to its production figure.
- 4. Add a comma Original: 26 million pounds which Suggested revision: 26 million pounds, which Why it matters: The non-defining relative clause needs a comma before which.
- 5. Complete the comparison Original: far higher than others Suggested revision: far higher than that of the other states Why it matters: The comparison needs that of to compare production with production.
- 6. Correct both differences Original: only 1 million pounds less than South Dakota and Montana Suggested revision: about 1 million pounds less than South Dakota and roughly 0.5 million pounds less than Montana Why it matters: Minnesota produced about 10 million pounds, compared with roughly 11 million in South Dakota and 10.5 million in Montana.
- 7. Use production, not profit Original: the lowest Wisconsin profit Suggested revision: Wisconsin's production, the lowest figure, Why it matters: The chart measures honey production rather than financial profit.
- 8. Use a direct reporting verb Original: demonstrate Suggested revision: show Why it matters: Show is the standard concise verb for introducing chart content.
- 9. Make the measures parallel Original: the number of honey-producing colonies and honey production Suggested revision: the number of honey-producing colonies and the amount of honey produced Why it matters: The parallel noun phrases distinguish the colony count from the production amount.
- 10. Introduce the list clearly Original: five American states, Suggested revision: five American states: Why it matters: A colon clearly introduces the complete list of states.
- 11. Avoid overstating similarity Original: was roughly identical Suggested revision: was broadly similar Why it matters: The three production figures are close but not identical.
- 12. Mark the final comparison Original: Furthermore Suggested revision: Finally Why it matters: Finally signals that Wisconsin is the last state discussed in the production paragraph.
Suggested Rewrites
- yielded two
- the same number similar numbers
- Dakota Dakota's
- 26 million pounds which 26 million pounds, which
- far higher than others far higher than that of the other states
- only 1 million pounds less than South Dakota and Montana about 1 million pounds less than South Dakota and roughly 0.5 million pounds less than Montana
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response selects the principal features accurately, covers all five states, and supports its comparisons with relevant figures. The main weakness is uneven language control: awkward repetition, faulty comparison structures, and a run-on overview sometimes reduce clarity. The highest priority is to rewrite comparisons in concise, grammatical forms and to express the relationship between colony numbers and output more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main patterns, extremes, and state comparisons are accurately reported with sufficient supporting data.
State the overall relationship more precisely, noting the common ranking across both charts rather than using a repetitive generalisation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a sensible overview-to-detail structure, but some long sentences and repetitive wording weaken flow.
Separate the overview into two controlled sentences and group each comparison without repeating honey-producing colonies unnecessarily.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing charts, but several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or awkward.
Use precise terms such as honey output instead of profit and replace unnatural phrases such as yielded bar charts.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but recurring article, comparison, and clause-joining errors are noticeable.
Practise accurate comparative patterns such as twice as many as and use full stops to prevent run-on sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar charts below provide information about honey production and honey-producing colonies in the five American states in 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.