The chart below shows the percentage of total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000.
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The chart shows the percentage of the total US populationpercentage of total population aged 65 and over in the U.S. between 1900 and 2000. In 1900In the year 1900 4.1%just over 4% of the population was aged 65 or overaged over 65. However, by 1960 this proportionfigure had more than doubledhad doubled.
The proportionnumber of people aged between 75 and 84 remained fairly steady between 1900 and 1930, making up 1.0–1.3%only 1-1.3% of the population. The figure began to rise more significantly in 1940 and by 1970 it had tripled to reach 3% of the population.
Although there was no change in the proportion of people aged 65–74the number of people aged 65 -74 between 1960 and 1970, the proportionnumber of people aged 75 and over increased during this time. By 2000, 12.4%By the year 2000, 12.4% of the US population were aged 65 or overhad reached the age of 65 or more, although this was slightly below the 1990 peakslightly lower than in 1990 when it peaked at 12.6%.
The chart shows that today people in the U.S. can expect to live longer than in 1900. By the year 2000 more than 12% of the population were aged 65 or overhad managed to live to the age of 65 and over compared to only 4.1% in 1900.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its accurate selection of figures, including the rise from 4.1% to 12.4%, the 1990 peak, and changes within age groups. Its main limitation is that the broad overview is dispersed and partly repetitive, while the growth of the oldest group receives little attention. Prioritise a single concise overview that summarises the century-long rise, the late peak, and the increasing shares of the older subgroups.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately describes several key totals and subgroup changes, although the overview is fragmented and the 85+ trend is underdeveloped.
Add one clear overview covering the overall rise, the slight fall after 1990, and growth across the older age groups.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through selected periods, but the final paragraph repeats earlier figures rather than extending the comparison.
Organise the report around an overview followed by grouped comparisons, removing the repetitive concluding paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally precise and appropriate for describing demographic change, with only occasional awkward phrasing such as people having managed to reach an age.
Use more objective chart language, such as the proportion rose or the age group accounted for, instead of implying personal achievement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of sentence structures is used accurately, and minor spacing or phrasing lapses do not impede meaning.
Refine noun-phrase accuracy and formatting in expressions such as people aged 65–74 and the proportion of the population.