The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The line graph shows the amount of visits received by two music websites, Music Choice and Pop Parade, in a period of 15 days. Overall, it is clear that the most visited website is Pop Parade, but for few days the trend was switched. Going to detail, Pop Parade visits at day 1 accounted as 120k, much higher than Music Choice, with only a third of the visits (40k). At day 3, Pop Parade registered a steady decline in visits, but still more than the ones received by Music Choice, which reached a peak of 60k visits. Pop Parade continued its erratic decrease until day 11, when a sharp growth reached more than 140k visits; in the same period, visits for Music Choice fluctuated between 20k and 40k views. After day 11, Pop Parade’s popularity fell to 80k visits for two days, whereas Music Choice resulted to be the most favourite website. Finally, from day 13 to day 15, Music Choice plunged to reach nearly 70k views; on the contrary, Pop Charts suddenly rose to reach just over 160k visits, continuing a constant increase at day 15.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use countable noun Original: amount Suggested revision: number Why it matters: Use “number” with the countable noun “visits.”
- 2. Natural time phrase Original: in a period of 15 days Suggested revision: over a 15-day period Why it matters: This phrasing describes the graph’s time span more naturally.
- 3. Clarify reversal Original: for few days the trend was switched Suggested revision: on a few days, Music Choice attracted more visits Why it matters: State the specific reversal shown in the graph rather than referring vaguely to a switched trend.
- 4. Use natural transition Original: Going to detail Suggested revision: Turning to the details Why it matters: “Going to detail” is not an idiomatic transition into the data.
- 5. Correct time preposition Original: at Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Use “on” with a numbered day.
- 6. Describe a figure Original: accounted as 120k Suggested revision: stood at 120,000 Why it matters: “Stood at” is the appropriate expression for reporting this value.
- 7. Make comparison precise Original: much higher than Music Choice, with only a third of the visits (40k) Suggested revision: three times the figure for Music Choice (40,000) Why it matters: Compare the two visit figures directly and make the numerical relationship clear.
- 8. Correct time preposition Original: At Suggested revision: On Why it matters: Use “on” when referring to a numbered day.
- 9. Correct day-three trend Original: registered a steady decline in visits Suggested revision: was close to 120,000 visits Why it matters: The line dips only slightly and then rises again by day 3, so it does not show a steady decline.
- 10. Complete comparison clause Original: but still more than the ones received by Music Choice Suggested revision: and still attracted more visitors than Music Choice Why it matters: The original clause lacks a clear verb for Pop Parade and uses an awkward substitute noun.
- 11. Avoid false peak Original: a peak of 60k visits Suggested revision: a temporary high of 60,000 visits Why it matters: Music Choice later reaches a much higher figure, so day 3 is not its overall peak.
- 12. Correct two-day values Original: fell to 80k visits for two days Suggested revision: fell to about 90,000 visits on day 12 and 80,000 on day 13 Why it matters: The graph shows two different values across these days rather than 80,000 on both.
Suggested Rewrites
- amount number
- in a period of 15 days over a 15-day period
- for few days the trend was switched on a few days, Music Choice attracted more visits
- Going to detail Turning to the details
- at on
- accounted as 120k stood at 120,000
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response follows the main chronology clearly and uses varied trend language, while identifying Pop Parade as generally more popular and noting the temporary reversal. Its main limitation is inaccurate or blurred reporting of several points, especially around days 3 and 11–14, alongside recurring awkward collocations. Prioritise checking each turning point against the graph and expressing comparisons with more natural, precise phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies the dominant site and temporary reversal, but several values and movements are reported inaccurately or imprecisely.
Check every stated turning point against the graph, especially the patterns from days 3–11 and 12–15.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview, and chronological account create generally clear progression despite some crowded sequencing in the detail paragraph.
Group the early and late periods into separate detail paragraphs and use time references that mark each change unambiguously.
Lexical Resource
A useful range of trend vocabulary is evident, although recurrent collocation errors reduce precision and naturalness.
Use standard combinations such as number of visits, stood at, overtook, and fell to when describing the lines.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but errors in articles, prepositions, and verb constructions recur throughout.
Review complex comparison sentences for correct articles, prepositions, and verb patterns before finalising the report.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.