The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The line graph compares visitors to two music websites which were recently launched online. The number of website visitors fluctuated, but after day 11, both sites received more visitors.
According to the diagram, the pop parade music website was visited by 120 thousand people on the first day, whereas music choice got 40 thousand browsers on the same day. During the first week, the pop parade’s visitor count showed an overall downward trend, and on day seven, both sites received roughly 20 thousand visitors.
However, overall visitors in the first week to the pop parade were significantly greater than that of music choice. Interestingly, visitors to the pop parade site overwhelmingly increased after day nine and witnessed a significant increase in the number of visitors on day 11, with around 150 thousand users. On this day, the other side was browsed by only over 20 thousand people. With a sharp dip on days 12 and 13, the pop parade’s visitors went as high as 170 thousand on day 15. Music choice, on the contrary, accumulated the highest hits on days 12 and 14, around 120 thousand a day.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name visits accurately Original: browsers Suggested revision: visitors Why it matters: The graph measures website visitors, whereas 'browsers' refers to software or people browsing more generally.
- 2. Fix noun phrase Original: overall visitors in the first week to the pop parade Suggested revision: the total number of visits to Pop Parade in the first week Why it matters: This structure correctly expresses an aggregate number of visits to the site.
- 3. Fix comparison reference Original: that of music choice Suggested revision: that to Music Choice Why it matters: The comparison is between the total number of visits to each site.
- 4. Correct site reference Original: side Suggested revision: site Why it matters: 'Site' is the intended noun when referring to the second website.
- 5. Use precise measure Original: only over 20 thousand people Suggested revision: just over 20,000 visits Why it matters: The chart records visits rather than a verified count of distinct people.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: accumulated the highest hits Suggested revision: recorded its highest visitor numbers Why it matters: This collocation describes the site's peaks more naturally and precisely.
- 7. Remove redundant wording Original: which were recently launched online Suggested revision: that had recently been launched Why it matters: A website is inherently online, so the final word is unnecessary.
- 8. Name visual accurately Original: diagram Suggested revision: graph Why it matters: The visual is a line graph rather than a general diagram.
- 9. Use concise site name Original: the pop parade music website Suggested revision: the Pop Parade website Why it matters: The shorter proper name identifies the series clearly without redundancy.
- 10. Report measured visits Original: was visited by 120 thousand people Suggested revision: received 120,000 visits Why it matters: The graph measures visits and does not establish a count of distinct people.
- 11. Use formal reporting verb Original: music choice got Suggested revision: Music Choice received Why it matters: 'Received' is more precise and appropriately formal for reporting chart data.
- 12. Fix passive expression Original: was browsed by Suggested revision: received Why it matters: A site receives visits; this active statistical construction is clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- browsers visitors
- overall visitors in the first week to the pop parade the total number of visits to Pop Parade in the first week
- that of music choice that to Music Choice
- side site
- only over 20 thousand people just over 20,000 visits
- accumulated the highest hits recorded its highest visitor numbers
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is well organised and describes most major movements and peak values with generally clear, varied language. The main weakness is an overview that says only that figures fluctuated and rose after day 11, without clearly contrasting Pop Parade's late surge with Music Choice's sharp rise and later fall. Prioritise a more specific overview and verify approximate values such as the day-seven figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most key peaks and movements are selected accurately, but the overview is vague and the claim that both sites had roughly 20,000 visits on day seven is inaccurate.
Summarise the contrasting late patterns clearly and check approximate values against the graph before reporting them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear chronological account with effective progression and generally appropriate linking.
Make the overview-to-detail structure sharper by placing the two principal comparative trends together before the daily evidence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and usually effective, although choices such as 'browsers,' 'overwhelmingly increased,' and 'the other side' are awkward or imprecise.
Prefer precise graph language such as 'visits,' 'rose sharply,' and the website's actual name.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures with good overall control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Refine comparison structures, particularly by comparing visitor numbers directly rather than using unclear substitutes such as 'that of.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.