The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The graph shows people using new music places on the Internet in fifteen days period of time namely personal choice and trendy pop music. The overall trend shows fluctuation with slight Increased towards the end of the period. Starting with Music Choice websites; 40,000 poeple went on this new site on first-day. Half of them backed out the next day. In Contrast to this Pop Parade net sites were visited by 120,000 music lovers on day one which decreased slightly on the next day thereafter regaining the same fame on 3rd day. After 3rd day the enthusiasm for both music lines on Internet dropped slowly- reaching maximum fall of 40,000 on 7th day. Whereas Music choice gained popularity, slightly Improoving to get the original strength of 30,000 viewers on screen, but was getting still less visiters than their opponent Pop group i.e. 40,000 on day 7. In the biegining of the next week both gained remarkable recovery after a few fluctuations for 8th and 9th day having 40,000 and 50,000 visiters respectively, reaching to their peaks of one and a half thousand new viewers for Pop Parade on 11th day showing a contrast of very few people visiting Music choice for the same day. Thereafter Music choice gained popularity on 12th day for having more than 120,000 new visiters on web. In the end of the period Pop sites were visited by maximum viewers of 180,000 whereas sites located to Music choice were not explored by more than 80,000 explorers on the last day of the report.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct noun Original: places Suggested revision: websites Why it matters: The graph measures visits to websites, not physical places.
- 2. Correct the time phrase Original: in fifteen days period of time Suggested revision: over a fifteen-day period Why it matters: A singular compound modifier requires an article and hyphens.
- 3. Use the site name Original: personal choice Suggested revision: Music Choice Why it matters: The visual labels the first site Music Choice.
- 4. Use the site name Original: trendy pop music Suggested revision: Pop Parade Why it matters: The visual labels the second site Pop Parade.
- 5. Correct the noun forms Original: fluctuation with slight Increased Suggested revision: fluctuations with a general increase Why it matters: Plural fluctuation and the noun increase are required in this construction.
- 6. Fix noun and punctuation Original: Music Choice websites; Suggested revision: the Music Choice website, Why it matters: The graph shows one site, and the introductory phrase should end with a comma.
- 7. Correct spelling Original: poeple Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People is misspelled.
- 8. Correct the day phrase Original: on first-day Suggested revision: on the first day Why it matters: The ordinal day requires the definite article and no hyphen.
- 9. Fix the contrast marker Original: In Contrast to this Suggested revision: In contrast, Why it matters: The standard transition is in contrast followed by a comma.
- 10. Use website Original: net sites Suggested revision: website Why it matters: Website is the accurate singular term for Pop Parade.
- 11. Correct the ordinal phrase Original: on 3rd day Suggested revision: on the third day Why it matters: The ordinal day requires the definite article.
- 12. Correct the day twelve value Original: for having more than 120,000 new visiters Suggested revision: to 120,000 visits Why it matters: The graph shows exactly 120,000 visits to Music Choice on day 12.
Suggested Rewrites
- places websites
- in fifteen days period of time over a fifteen-day period
- personal choice Music Choice
- trendy pop music Pop Parade
- fluctuation with slight Increased fluctuations with a general increase
- Music Choice websites; the Music Choice website,
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response is strongest in recognizing the broad fluctuations and the late surge in visits to both sites. Its main limitation is unreliable data reporting, including incorrect figures for several days and a major units error at the Pop Parade peak, while frequent language errors make some comparisons difficult to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to trace each line carefully and record accurate values before drafting.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report presents a general overview and mentions several notable movements, but numerous inaccurate values and unclear comparisons weaken coverage of the graph.
Create a brief table of the two series' starting points, lows, peaks, and endpoints, then use those verified figures for the overview and details.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response broadly follows the days in chronological order, but one long paragraph, overloaded sentences, and inconsistent linking make progression difficult to track.
Use a separate overview and two shorter detail paragraphs, with each sentence covering one clearly defined period or comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in trend vocabulary, but frequent spelling errors, imprecise word choices, and unnatural collocations reduce clarity.
Prioritize accurate graph language such as visits rose, fell, peaked, and remained stable, while checking common words such as people and visitors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, articles, verb forms, and comparison structures sometimes obscure meaning.
Write shorter complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check each comparison for correct prepositions and clause structure.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.