The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
Sample Response
The provided figures give information on the percentage of industrial, agricultural and domestic use of water in the six different regions of the world. Generally, as can be seen from the illustration, the highest percentage of water is used for agricultural demands, while the least percentage of water is used for the domestic needs. In Africa, South America, Central and South-East Asia more than 70 percent of water goes to the agricultural sector, whereas in North America and Europe this index is 39 % and 32% respectively. On the contrary, these regions consume more water for industrial purposes (48% and 53%), while industrial purposes require only about 10 % average in South America, Africa, Central and South-East Asia. The biggest percent of domestic water use could be observed is in South America (19%) and Asian regions use the minimum water for domestic needs. The maximum usage of water for agricultural aims is in Central Asia (89 %), and only 32% of water is used by the European farming sector.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify category structure Original: industrial, agricultural and domestic use of water Suggested revision: water used for industrial, agricultural and domestic purposes Why it matters: The revision makes all three category labels modify water use consistently.
- 2. Use purpose Original: demands Suggested revision: purposes Why it matters: Purposes is the natural term for categories of water use.
- 3. Remove article Original: the domestic needs Suggested revision: domestic needs Why it matters: Domestic needs is used generically here and does not require the.
- 4. Use plural reference Original: this index is Suggested revision: these figures are Why it matters: Two regional percentages require a plural subject and verb.
- 5. Use contrast linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence contrasts regional patterns rather than contradicting the previous statement.
- 6. Fix average phrase Original: 10 % average Suggested revision: 10% on average Why it matters: On average is the required adverbial form, and the percentage sign should follow the number directly.
- 7. Describe proportion precisely Original: maximum usage of water Suggested revision: highest proportion of water used Why it matters: The charts show percentages rather than absolute amounts of water.
- 8. Use agriculture Original: agricultural aims Suggested revision: agriculture Why it matters: Agriculture is the concise conventional label for this use category.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: the six different regions Suggested revision: six different regions Why it matters: The numeral already identifies the complete set, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 10. Make overview direct Original: Generally, as can be seen from the illustration Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: A direct overview marker is clearer and avoids an unnecessary reference to the illustration.
- 11. Use smallest proportion Original: least percentage Suggested revision: smallest proportion Why it matters: Smallest proportion is the more precise collocation for the lowest share.
- 12. Standardize percentage style Original: 70 percent Suggested revision: 70% Why it matters: Using the symbol keeps percentage formatting consistent with the rest of the response.
Suggested Rewrites
- industrial, agricultural and domestic use of water water used for industrial, agricultural and domestic purposes
- demands purposes
- the domestic needs domestic needs
- this index is these figures are
- On the contrary By contrast
- 10 % average 10% on average
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is concise and data-focused, selecting many accurate contrasts and supporting them with relevant percentages. Its main weakness is an overgeneralised overview: agriculture dominates four regions, whereas industry is largest in North America and Europe, and the single-block presentation weakens readability. Prioritise a precisely qualified overview, then separate the overview and detailed comparisons into clear paragraphs while correcting awkward sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Most key regional contrasts and figures are accurately selected, but the overview misleadingly presents agriculture as universally dominant rather than distinguishing the two industrial-led regions.
State explicitly that agriculture leads in four regions while industry accounts for the largest share in North America and Europe.
Coherence and Cohesion
The comparisons follow a sensible sequence and cohesive devices guide the reader, but presenting the entire report as one paragraph obscures its structure.
Separate the introduction and overview from grouped detail paragraphs on agricultural-led and industrial-led regions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently varied range of vocabulary for proportions, purposes, and regional comparisons, with occasional awkward choices such as agricultural demands and this index.
Use more precise collocations such as agricultural use, proportion, accounted for, and industrial consumption.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of complex sentence forms, but errors in constructions such as could be observed is and about 10% average reduce accuracy.
Revise sentence patterns involving passive forms, averages, and superlatives so that each clause has one complete grammatical structure.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.