The charts below give information about average weekly rent for houses and apartments in four Australian cities in 2016 and 2017.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The charts illustrate information about how average weekly rent for houses and apartments in four Australian cities changed between 2016 and 2017.
Overall,it is clear that the spending of weekly rent for houses and apartments in Australia followed an upward trend over the year. The weekly rent for houses in Sydney and Darwin were the most expensive in 2017Sydney cost the most, while the lowest average rentlowest spend was in Perth. MeanwhileWhereas, the figures for apartments show that Deletethe Sydney was also the most expensive, and Hobartexpensive,and the Hobart was the cheapest city.
The average weekly rent for houses in Sydney steadily increased from 510 dollars to 540 dollars between 2016 and 2017. The figure in Perth also saw a slight rise,from 280 dollars to 320 dollars over the year. By contrast,the figures for Hobart and Darwin experienced a significant increase in 2016 and 20172016,from 300 to 380 dollars in Hobart, and from 430 to 540 dollars in Darwin, respectively.from 300 dollars to 380 dollars and 430 dollars to 540 dollars.
Looking at the average apartment rentaverage spending of weekly rent for apartments in Sydney, climbing to 540 dollars in 2017,while the figure for Perth remained unchanged at 300 dollars. Rents in Hobart and DarwinThe Hobart and Darwin increased slightly from 250 dollars to 270 dollars and from 410dollars and 410 dollars to 430 dollars between 2016 and 2017.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear overview and covers most key details from both charts effectively. However, control over grammatical structures and sentence boundaries is inconsistent, leading to fragments and awkward phrasing. Focusing on complete sentence construction and refining collocations related to data description will produce a more polished performance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and key figures for both houses and apartments are identified, though a starting value for Sydney apartments is omitted.
Ensure all starting figures are explicitly stated when detailing key changes over time.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped by property type, maintaining a clear overall progression across paragraphs.
Avoid starting independent sentences with subordinating conjunctions like 'whereas' to improve structural flow.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of data-reporting vocabulary is used, though terms like 'spending' are slightly misapplied when describing rent prices.
Use natural collocations such as 'rental prices' or 'cost of renting' instead of referring to tenant spending.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writing includes frequent minor errors, such as sentence fragments, unnecessary definite articles before city names, and punctuation spacing mistakes.
Ensure every clause contains a main verb to prevent incomplete sentence fragments.