The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at west park Secondary school since its construction in 1950.
Sample Response
The diagrams illustrate the establishment that has been made at west park Secondary school since its construction in 1950.
Overall, it is seen that in 1980 there have been additional developed areas constructed which is continuing in 2010, also for the betterment of the secondary school.
The main roads are present in 1950, 1980 and 2010. In 1950 houses was built but the car park was constructed in 1980. The School area was built into two sections main building and the science block in 1980. Whereas playground area is same in both the years, however, in place of farmland, sports field established.
In 2010, the school area was as it is. But, the car park area was doubled, and the sports field area was reduced, along with the playground area. However, the changes in the 2010 building are quite different than in the 1950 school.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise description Original: the establishment that has been made Suggested revision: the changes that have taken place Why it matters: The diagrams show changes to a site rather than the creation of an establishment.
- 2. Capitalize proper name Original: west park Secondary school Suggested revision: West Park Secondary School Why it matters: Every main word in the school's proper name needs a capital letter.
- 3. Remove unsupported judgement Original: for the betterment of the secondary school Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The diagrams show physical changes but do not state that they improved the school.
- 4. Match number and tense Original: main roads are Suggested revision: main road was Why it matters: The diagrams show one road, and the past tense suits the historical years.
- 5. Fix agreement and meaning Original: In 1950 houses was built Suggested revision: In 1950, houses were present Why it matters: The plural noun requires a plural verb, and the first map shows a state rather than a construction event.
- 6. Describe full replacement Original: but the car park was constructed in 1980 Suggested revision: and these were replaced by a car park and science block in 1980 Why it matters: The 1980 map shows both the car park and science block occupying the former housing area.
- 7. Use accurate structure Original: was built into two sections Suggested revision: consisted of two sections: Why it matters: Consisted of accurately describes the two school buildings shown in 1980.
- 8. Add article Original: main building Suggested revision: the main building Why it matters: The specific labelled building requires the definite article.
- 9. Name the unchanged feature Original: area Suggested revision: buildings Why it matters: Buildings is more precise than area because the main building and science block remained in place.
- 10. Use consistent past tense Original: was as it is Suggested revision: remained unchanged Why it matters: The replacement gives a grammatical past-tense comparison.
- 11. Use correct connector Original: But Suggested revision: However Why it matters: However is the appropriate sentence connector before a comma.
- 12. Remove redundancy Original: car park area Suggested revision: car park Why it matters: Car park already names the area, so the extra noun is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- the establishment that has been made the changes that have taken place
- west park Secondary school West Park Secondary School
- for the betterment of the secondary school Delete
- main roads are main road was
- In 1950 houses was built In 1950, houses were present
- but the car park was constructed in 1980 and these were replaced by a car park and science block in 1980
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response follows the three dates in a generally sensible order and mentions several important changes, including the new science block, sports field, and enlarged car park. Its main weakness is a vague overview, compounded by imprecise descriptions and frequent grammatical errors; the priority is to summarise the dominant transformation clearly, then compare each major land-use change in accurate, complete sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Several relevant changes are reported, but the overview is vague, some descriptions are imprecise, and the response falls slightly below the minimum length.
State that houses and farmland were replaced by school facilities and that the car park later expanded as the sports field and playground shrank.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological paragraph structure is helpful, although progression is weakened by fragments and awkward or inaccurate linking expressions.
Use complete sentences and straightforward time comparisons instead of starting clauses with connectors such as Whereas, But, and However.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers basic map features, but repetition and unsuitable choices such as establishment, betterment, and doubled area limit precision.
Use precise change verbs and map phrases such as replaced, converted into, remained unchanged, expanded, and reduced in size.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors with agreement, articles, tense, clause construction, and comparison forms reduce accuracy, though the main meaning usually remains accessible.
Prioritise complete past-tense sentences with correct subjects and articles, such as houses were replaced and the playground remained unchanged.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at west park Secondary school since its construction in 1950.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.