The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.
Sample Response
The bar chart shows the percentage of females entering higher education in the years 1980 and 2015. The chart shows the percentages in five countries, the UK, the USA, Australia, South Korea and France. Overall, the proportion of women in higher education increased in the five countries.
In general, there were more female students in 2015 than in 1980, with more than half of women in higher education in all of the countries apart from South Korea. In four of the countries, the percentage of women going into higher education rose.
The most dramatic change was in South Korea, where the percentage doubled from 15% to 30%. The smallest change was seen in France, where the number increased only from 50% to 54%. The only country in which there was not an increase was Australia. Although the percentage of Australian women going into higher education remained the same at 58%, this was the highest in 1980 and equal highest with the USA in 2015.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Specify the population Original: females entering Suggested revision: female school-leavers entering Why it matters: The chart specifically concerns female school-leavers rather than females generally.
- 2. Introduce the list Original: countries, the UK Suggested revision: countries: the UK Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the list of countries.
- 3. Correct the overview Original: increased in the five countries Suggested revision: increased in four of the five countries Why it matters: Australia remained unchanged, so the increase did not occur in all five countries.
- 4. Describe percentages Original: there were more female students Suggested revision: the percentages were higher Why it matters: The chart compares percentages rather than absolute numbers of students.
- 5. Qualify the comparison Original: The most dramatic change Suggested revision: The largest proportional increase Why it matters: South Korea doubled, although other countries had larger increases in percentage points.
- 6. Distinguish no change Original: change Suggested revision: increase Why it matters: Australia had no change, while France had the smallest positive increase.
- 7. Use the chart measure Original: number Suggested revision: percentage Why it matters: The values are percentages, not counts.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: equal Suggested revision: joint Why it matters: Joint highest is the standard expression for two equal leading values.
- 9. Reduce overview repetition Suggested revision: State the overall trend once, then group the countries by whether their percentages rose or remained stable. Why it matters: This paragraph repeats the overview before restating that four countries increased, which weakens progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- females entering female school-leavers entering
- countries, the UK countries: the UK
- increased in the five countries increased in four of the five countries
- there were more female students the percentages were higher
- The most dramatic change The largest proportional increase
- change increase
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is concise, logically organised, and accurately identifies most major patterns, including Australia’s stability and South Korea’s doubling. Its main limitation is that the overview initially says all five countries increased, contradicting the later accurate statement, while the sizeable rises in the UK and USA receive no supporting figures. Prioritise making the overview fully accurate and adding selective data for those two countries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main patterns are identified and three countries are supported with accurate figures, but the opening overview incorrectly says all five rose and omits data for the UK and USA.
State consistently that four countries increased, then add the UK and USA changes from 35% to 55% and 38% to 58%.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses clearly from the overall pattern to notable changes and exceptions, with effective paragraphing despite slight repetition between the first two paragraphs.
Combine the overlapping overview statements into one concise overview before moving directly to comparative details.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for changes and comparison, though ‘number’ is less accurate than ‘percentage’ for France.
Maintain precise statistical nouns throughout and use ‘percentage’ or ‘proportion’ consistently for every country.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor punctuation or phrasing lapses that do not impede meaning.
Refine list punctuation and comparative phrasing, such as using a colon before the country list and ‘joint-highest’ for the final comparison.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.