The two pie charts below show changes in world population by region between 1910 and 2010.
Sample Response
The pie charts compare the population distribution in different regions of the world in 1910 and 2010 and also depicts the changes in global population in these territories. A glance at the diagrams reveals that more than half of the world citizens resided in Asia, both in 1910 and 2010, and the ratio of the global population division decreased in Asia and Europe in a century. According to the given illustration, in 1910, the global inhabitants was 1.7 billion which overwhelmingly increased and reached to 6 billion in just 100 years. Six out of every ten persons, in 1910, lived in Asia, making it the region with exactly 60% global people. Then Europe and Russia comprised one-fourth of the global citizenry while 3% and 5% of the global community lived in Latin America and North America. Finally, the lowest percentage of the population allotment could be observed in Latin America and African region had one and a half percent more citizen share in this year. After a century, 2010, to be exact, the population diffusion in different parts of the world changes. More than half of the world population were in Asia, though it is precisely six percent fewer than that of a century back. North America's percentages of the population remained unchanged but made it the continent with the lowest percentage of the world population which was previously held by the Latin America. Interestingly, population distribution in Europe and Russia dropped to almost half while it more than doubled in Latin America and Africa. Finally, six percent people lived in the Middle East and North Africa in 2010 though no data was given for this region explicitly in the first pie chart.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural subject Original: and also depicts Suggested revision: and also depict Why it matters: The plural subject ‘pie charts’ requires the plural verb form ‘depict’.
- 2. Use chart terminology Original: world citizens Suggested revision: world population Why it matters: ‘World population’ is the precise term for the people represented by the charts.
- 3. Clarify population shares Original: the ratio of the global population division Suggested revision: the share of the global population Why it matters: The original noun phrase is unnatural and obscures that the figures are proportions.
- 4. Use time preposition Original: in a century Suggested revision: over the century Why it matters: ‘Over the century’ clearly describes a change across the period.
- 5. Fix agreement and noun Original: the global inhabitants was Suggested revision: the global population was Why it matters: ‘Population’ is the appropriate singular collective noun and agrees with ‘was’.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: overwhelmingly increased Suggested revision: increased substantially Why it matters: ‘Increased substantially’ is the natural academic collocation for a large rise.
- 7. Remove extra preposition Original: reached to 6 billion Suggested revision: reached 6 billion Why it matters: ‘Reach’ takes a direct object and does not require ‘to’.
- 8. Complete percentage phrase Original: 60% global people Suggested revision: 60% of the global population Why it matters: A percentage referring to a population needs the structure ‘of the global population’.
- 9. Use concise term Original: percentage of the population allotment Suggested revision: population share Why it matters: ‘Population share’ expresses the chart measure more naturally and concisely.
- 10. Streamline time transition Original: After a century, 2010, to be exact Suggested revision: A century later, in 2010 Why it matters: This transition identifies the second year directly without interrupting the sentence.
- 11. Keep past tense Original: world changes Suggested revision: world changed Why it matters: The description refers to a completed change by 2010, so the past tense is required.
- 12. Match singular subject Original: population were in Asia Suggested revision: population was in Asia Why it matters: The singular collective noun ‘population’ takes ‘was’.
Suggested Rewrites
- and also depicts and also depict
- world citizens world population
- the ratio of the global population division the share of the global population
- in a century over the century
- the global inhabitants was the global population was
- overwhelmingly increased increased substantially
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the dominant regions and describes most major shifts across the century, with useful figures supporting the comparison. Its main weakness is uneven precision: it overlooks the Others category and consequently misidentifies the smallest shares, while several numerical relationships are misstated. The highest-priority improvement is to verify every comparison against both charts and present the information in clearly separated overview and detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and mostly accurate coverage of major changes are provided, but the smallest categories and one African comparison are inaccurately reported.
Check all categories before selecting extremes, noting that Others is 3% in both years and Africa exceeds Latin America by one percentage point in 1910.
Coherence and Cohesion
The progression from an overview to 1910 and then 2010 is clear, although the entire response is presented as one long paragraph.
Separate the introduction, overview, and year-by-year details into focused paragraphs to make the comparison easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied population vocabulary, but frequent unnatural combinations such as global people, citizen share, and population diffusion reduce precision.
Prefer standard chart language such as proportion, share, population, increased, and decreased rather than forcing unfamiliar synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the data, but recurring agreement, article, preposition, and tense errors remain noticeable.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and stable past tense, especially when describing the two historical years.
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