The bar chart shows the percentage of young people in higher education in 2000, 2005 and 2010.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares four different countries in terms of the proportion of young people entering higher education in three years, 2000, 2005 and 2010.
Overall, of the three countries, country D had the highest percentage of young people enrolling in higher education in all three years, while participation levels in country B were lowest. In addition, countries A and D experienced the greatest increase in young people’s participation in higher education.
Looking first at countries A and D, in 2000, 60% of young people in country D entered university education, while the figure for country A was much lower, at only about 38%. A decade later, these figures rose significantly to 80% and around 59%, respectively.
Turning to the two remaining nations, we can see that, in country C,young people’s university participation rose slightly by 2%, from 50% in 2000 to 52% in 2010. The figure for country B, by contrast, remained at 40% over the period shown, despite a small drop of 2%, down to 38% in 2005.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the main trend Original: countries A and D experienced Suggested revision: country A experienced Why it matters: Country A alone records the largest overall rise across the period.
- 2. Correct Country D value Original: 60 Suggested revision: 45 Why it matters: The 2000 bar for Country D is approximately 45%, not 60%.
- 3. Correct Country A value Original: 38 Suggested revision: 35 Why it matters: The 2000 bar for Country A is approximately 35%.
- 4. Correct final D value Original: 80 Suggested revision: 60 Why it matters: Country D reaches about 60% in 2010, not 80%.
- 5. Correct final A value Original: 59 Suggested revision: 57 Why it matters: Country A reaches approximately 57% in 2010.
- 6. Remove redundant modifier Original: four different countries Suggested revision: four countries Why it matters: The number already establishes that the countries are distinct.
- 7. Make comparison concise Original: in terms of the proportion of Suggested revision: by the proportion of Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the comparison more directly.
- 8. Match the chart measure Original: entering Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The chart measures participation rather than a one-time act of entry.
- 9. State years directly Original: in three years, 2000, 2005 and 2010 Suggested revision: in 2000, 2005 and 2010 Why it matters: The direct time phrase is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 10. Use quantity collocation Original: greatest Suggested revision: largest Why it matters: 'Largest' is the usual collocation for a change in a measured percentage.
- 11. Condense repeated wording Original: young people’s participation in higher education Suggested revision: higher-education participation among young people Why it matters: The revision keeps the meaning while reducing a long repeated phrase.
- 12. Use consistent measure Original: entered university education Suggested revision: participated in higher education Why it matters: This wording aligns the detail with the participation measure used in the chart.
Suggested Rewrites
- countries A and D experienced country A experienced
- 60 45
- 38 35
- 80 60
- 59 57
- four different countries four countries
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is clearly organised and uses varied, generally accurate language to compare the countries across the three years. However, most of the supporting figures are inconsistent with the chart, including the values reported for countries A, C and D, and the overview incorrectly identifies country B as lowest in every year. Recheck every bar systematically and base each comparison on the chart's actual values.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies some broad trends, but most reported figures are inaccurate and the claim that country B was always lowest is incorrect.
Record each country's three values directly from the chart before selecting trends and comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overview and logically grouped detail paragraphs, with cohesive devices used fluently and unobtrusively.
Preserve this effective grouping while ensuring each paragraph's comparisons are supported by accurate data.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise for describing proportions, participation, changes, and comparisons, with only a minor spacing slip.
Continue using this range while checking that strong terms such as significantly accurately reflect the scale shown.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used with strong control, and errors are rare and do not impede communication.
Proofread final drafts for small presentation slips such as the missing space after country C.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart shows the percentage of young people in higher education in 2000, 2005 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.