You work a part-time job in a company, and the company posted an advert seeking a person for a full-time position. Write a letter to your manager requesting to apply for the advertised position. In your letter: - say – Why do you want to apply? – - What are your future goals? – - Why would it be beneficial for the company?
Sample Response
Dear Mr. Collins,
My name is Lisa Prior and I have been working as a pharmacist assistant in Publix for over 11 months. I am writing to you with reference to the full-time position of principal pharmacist that I have recently seen advertised.
I would like to opt for this position since I finished my Bachelor of Pharmacy degree last month, and am able to work full time. Additionally, the vast experience I have gained by working here side by side with Dr. Loon makes me adequate for this position. Dr Loon is willing to provide you with all the necessary references regarding my performance at work.
Moreover, I am going to start a Master of Pharmacy degree next semester which will not affect my current working schedules at the pharmacy; however, having a better prepared staff member may increase the sales through my providing professional advice to patients on a daily basis. As I prefer this pharmacy over the rest, I would like to continue my professional growth here.
Thank you for your attention, and I hope to receive a positive response to my application.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Faithfully yours,
Lisa Prior
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the standard job title Original: pharmacist Suggested revision: pharmacy Why it matters: Pharmacy assistant is the conventional name for this role.
- 2. Correct the workplace preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Use at when naming the company where someone works.
- 3. Use the application collocation Original: opt Suggested revision: apply Why it matters: Apply for is the appropriate collocation when requesting consideration for a job.
- 4. Express suitability naturally Original: makes me adequate for this position Suggested revision: makes me a suitable candidate for this position Why it matters: A person is described as a suitable candidate rather than adequate for a position.
- 5. Keep title punctuation consistent Original: Dr Loon Suggested revision: Dr. Loon Why it matters: Use the same punctuation for this title as in the earlier reference to Dr. Loon.
- 6. Use the natural collocation Original: working schedules Suggested revision: work schedule Why it matters: Work schedule is the standard singular phrase for one employee's hours.
- 7. Hyphenate the compound modifier Original: better prepared staff member Suggested revision: better-prepared staff member Why it matters: The compound modifier before the noun should be hyphenated for clarity.
- 8. Remove the unnecessary article Original: increase the sales Suggested revision: increase sales Why it matters: Sales is used without the definite article when referring to sales generally.
- 9. Use a direct means phrase Original: through my providing professional advice Suggested revision: by providing professional advice Why it matters: By providing is the natural way to express how the benefit would be achieved.
- 10. Match the named salutation Original: Faithfully yours Suggested revision: Yours sincerely Why it matters: A letter addressed to a named manager conventionally closes with Yours sincerely.
Suggested Rewrites
- pharmacist pharmacy
- in at
- opt apply
- makes me adequate for this position makes me a suitable candidate for this position
- Dr Loon Dr. Loon
- working schedules work schedule
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter presents a persuasive, well-organised application that addresses the motivation, future plans, and potential benefit to the pharmacy in a consistently professional tone. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise or unnatural word choice, especially when describing suitability and work arrangements. The highest-priority improvement is to replace these awkward collocations with more idiomatic professional phrasing while preserving the strong development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The application has a clear purpose and develops all three requested points with relevant qualifications, plans, and benefits to the company.
Make the commercial benefit slightly more concrete by explaining how professional advice could improve customer trust or sales.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical sequence, and paragraphs separate the application, qualifications, future plans, and closing effectively.
Divide the densely packed third paragraph so the future goal and benefit to the company each receive sharper emphasis.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and suitably professional, although collocations such as “makes me adequate” and “working schedules” sound unnatural.
Use more idiomatic choices such as “makes me well qualified” and “work schedule” to improve precision and naturalness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of sentence forms is handled accurately, including complex clauses and controlled subordination, with only minor lapses.
Review long sentences for cleaner clause boundaries and avoid omissions such as the subject before “am able to work full time.”
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You work a part-time job in a company, and the company posted an advert seeking a person for a full-time position. Write a letter to your manager requesting to apply for the advertised position. In your letter:
- say – Why do you want to apply? –
- What are your future goals? –
- Why would it be beneficial for the company?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.