You want to apply to a private college for a bachelor's degree, but you are experiencing financial problems and need help to enrol. Write a letter to the Principal of the college. In your letter: - explain your financial situation - ask for information about scholarships - ask about other financial help that is available
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Jonathon Mitch, and I am writing this letter in order to receive some necessary information regarding scholarships and tuition subsidies - aimed at helping undergraduate students financially, which is offered by your college. I have recently graduated from high school with a GPA of 3.85 on a scale of 4, and I want to apply to get admitted to your college to continue my study for a Bachelor degree. I need this information because my family is currently suffering from some economic hardship. They will not be able to pay me for my educational expenses since my father, the only income-earning member of my family, has got laid off from his job very recently. Besides, as a low middle-income family, we do not have any kind of savings which would help me meet all of my educational expenses at a prestigious private college like yours without some sort of financial help. So I am hoping for your kind consideration and help. I would like to thank you for your time and consideration in advance. Yours faithfully, Jonathon Mitch
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove vague wording Original: some necessary information Suggested revision: information Why it matters: The modifiers are unnecessary because the following phrase already specifies the information needed.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: which is offered Suggested revision: which are offered Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the plural items scholarships and tuition subsidies.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: apply to get admitted to Suggested revision: apply for admission to Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise collocation for a college application.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: continue my study Suggested revision: continue my studies Why it matters: Studies is the conventional plural noun for an ongoing course of education.
- 5. Fix degree form Original: a Bachelor degree Suggested revision: a bachelor's degree Why it matters: The degree name requires the possessive form and does not need capitalization here.
- 6. Fix expense collocation Original: pay me for my educational expenses Suggested revision: cover my educational expenses Why it matters: Cover expenses expresses paying the costs, whereas pay me for the expenses is inaccurate here.
- 7. Use formal past tense Original: has got laid off Suggested revision: was laid off Why it matters: The simple past passive is more concise and appropriately formal in this letter.
- 8. Fix compound adjective Original: low middle-income family Suggested revision: lower-middle-income family Why it matters: Lower-middle-income is the standard hyphenated compound adjective for this income group.
- 9. Use direct request verb Original: in order to receive Suggested revision: to request Why it matters: Request states the purpose more directly and concisely in a formal application letter.
- 10. Remove stray dash Original: - aimed at Suggested revision: aimed at Why it matters: The dash unnecessarily separates the noun phrase from its modifying phrase.
- 11. Improve support phrasing Original: helping undergraduate students financially Suggested revision: providing financial support to undergraduate students Why it matters: The replacement uses a more natural formal collocation for financial assistance.
- 12. Remove vague modifier Original: some economic hardship Suggested revision: economic hardship Why it matters: Economic hardship is sufficiently specific here, so some weakens the statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- some necessary information information
- which is offered which are offered
- apply to get admitted to apply for admission to
- continue my study continue my studies
- a Bachelor degree a bachelor's degree
- pay me for my educational expenses cover my educational expenses
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter’s strongest feature is its clear formal purpose and convincing explanation of the family’s financial hardship, supported by specific academic and employment details. Its main limitation is that the requests for scholarship information and other financial assistance are only briefly stated rather than developed as explicit questions; prioritise asking separately about eligibility, application procedures, tuition subsidies, and any payment or loan schemes available.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter achieves its formal purpose and covers all three bullet points, although the two requests for financial information receive limited development.
Turn the scholarship and alternative-aid requests into separate, specific questions about eligibility, application steps, and available schemes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the application context to the financial problem and request, but the single-block presentation weakens paragraphing.
Use distinct paragraphs for the application background, financial circumstances, and each information request.
Lexical Resource
A broad, suitably formal vocabulary conveys the situation precisely overall, despite several awkward collocations such as paying the writer for educational expenses.
Refine collocations by using natural phrases such as cover my educational expenses and pursue a bachelor’s degree.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is generally well controlled, with occasional agreement and noun-form errors that do not impede meaning.
Check agreement and noun phrases, especially in constructions such as scholarships and tuition subsidies which are offered and bachelor’s degree.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You want to apply to a private college for a bachelor's degree, but you are experiencing financial problems and need help to enrol. Write a letter to the Principal of the college. In your letter:
- explain your financial situation
- ask for information about scholarships
- ask about other financial help that is available
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.