You are preparing an event in the countryside. Write a letter to your friend and ask for help with the arrangements. In your letter: - describe the event - mention what arrangements have already been made - say how your friend can help
Sample Response
Dear Andrew,
Hope you're doing well. I'm writing this letter to you because I need your help in arranging an event in the countryside next week.
This particular event is going to be about raising awareness against the obesity problem among young children. Since obesity among children is higher than ever before, I, as a youth sports coordinator in my district, want to do something to change it.
As for making this event successful, I've already put together a plan for the sports and outdoor activities, in which young children can take part. Besides, I've also arranged for a mini-concert where young artists will perform to entertain the children. By the way, I also have invited some distinguished guests and health specialists, whose inputs on this particular issue would certainly go a long way to change the eating habits of the children in favour of a more balanced and healthy diet.
So, you can say that I've covered a large portion of it to make this event successful, but I could certainly use help from you in arranging some healthy and fresh foods for our guests. After all, you are a nutritionist, and a very good one.
Warm wishes,
Abbey
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: raising awareness against the obesity problem among young children Suggested revision: raising awareness of childhood obesity Why it matters: The phrase 'raise awareness of' is the standard collocation for introducing an issue.
- 2. Clarify the arrangement Original: plan for the sports and outdoor activities Suggested revision: programme of sports and outdoor activities Why it matters: A programme more precisely describes the organised activities planned for the event.
- 3. Use smoother addition Original: Besides Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: This connector links the second completed arrangement more smoothly to the first.
- 4. Correct adverb position Original: I also have invited Suggested revision: I have also invited Why it matters: The adverb normally follows the auxiliary in this present-perfect construction.
- 5. Use uncountable noun Original: inputs Suggested revision: input Why it matters: Input is normally uncountable when it means advice or contribution in this context.
- 6. Use gerund pattern Original: go a long way to change Suggested revision: go a long way towards changing Why it matters: The fixed pattern is 'go a long way towards' followed by a gerund.
- 7. Make reference precise Original: covered a large portion of it Suggested revision: completed most of the arrangements Why it matters: This wording clearly identifies what has already been organised.
- 8. Use natural food phrase Original: healthy and fresh foods Suggested revision: healthy, fresh food Why it matters: Food is more natural as an uncountable noun when referring generally to catering.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Since obesity among children is higher than ever before, I, as a youth sports coordinator in my district, want to do something to change it. Suggested revision: Since childhood obesity is more prevalent than ever, I want to address it in my role as the district's youth sports coordinator. Why it matters: This version uses a precise measure for obesity and places the writer's role more naturally.
- 10. Specify event details Suggested revision: Add the exact date and countryside venue so Andrew can judge his availability and plan his help. Why it matters: The opening states only 'next week', so the request would be more actionable with precise logistical details.
Suggested Rewrites
- raising awareness against the obesity problem among young children raising awareness of childhood obesity
- plan for the sports and outdoor activities programme of sports and outdoor activities
- Besides In addition
- I also have invited I have also invited
- inputs input
- go a long way to change go a long way towards changing
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter communicates its purpose immediately, covers every requested point with well-chosen detail, and maintains a warm, appropriate tone throughout. Its main limitation is occasional awkward phrasing and collocation, particularly when describing obesity awareness and expert contributions. The highest-priority improvement is to refine these expressions so that the otherwise fluent and persuasive request sounds consistently natural and precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are fully addressed, and the friendly register is consistently appropriate.
Make the requested help even more actionable by briefly specifying the quantity, timing, or delivery arrangements for the food.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through the event, completed arrangements, and requested help, with clear paragraphing and cohesive links.
Replace a few conspicuous linking phrases such as 'By the way' with smoother transitions that reflect the close relationship between the ideas.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports detailed communication, though a few collocations such as 'awareness against' and 'whose inputs' sound unnatural.
Use more idiomatic combinations such as 'raise awareness of childhood obesity' and 'whose advice could help change children's eating habits.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional non-impeding slips in word order and phrasing.
Polish auxiliary placement and sentence phrasing, for example changing 'I also have invited' to 'I have also invited.'
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are preparing an event in the countryside. Write a letter to your friend and ask for help with the arrangements. In your letter:
- describe the event
- mention what arrangements have already been made
- say how your friend can help
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.