A friend wants to get some information about an elementary school where one of your cousins studies. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: - say why this school is a good elementary school - mention how expensive it is - explain why your friend should get his/her child admitted there
Sample Response
Dear Bob,
I understand how challenging it can become to choose a good elementary school for our children these days. So, here, as you requested, I'll try to provide some information on the elementary school, attended by my younger cousin, but please verify all the information before making a final decision.
The school, attended by my cousin, has a good reputation for grooming the little ones by providing them with a “semi-structured” learning environment where they can learn and say anything they wish. The school also has several great “after school” programmes, through which the children don’t only have fun, but also learn many important and practical things. But, the best part is, they don’t have any homework – something that your child is certainly going to enjoy! In other words, they learn everything at their school! And all these come at a rather reasonable price, in comparison with the other schools.
So, I think that you should get your child admitted there because he is not only going to enjoy learning there, but also he is going to do so at his own pace without any burden of extra study work at home.
Warm wishes,
Jennifer
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb pattern Original: become Suggested revision: be Why it matters: The adjective complement requires “be” rather than “become” in this structure.
- 2. Streamline the transition Original: So, here, as you requested, Suggested revision: As you requested, Why it matters: Removing the stacked discourse markers makes the opening more direct and natural.
- 3. Remove restrictive comma Original: the elementary school, attended by my younger cousin, Suggested revision: the elementary school attended by my younger cousin, Why it matters: The participle phrase identifies which school is meant, so it should not be separated by a comma.
- 4. Remove unnecessary commas Original: The school, attended by my cousin, Suggested revision: The school attended by my cousin Why it matters: The identifying participle phrase should not be enclosed by commas here.
- 5. Use natural wording Original: say anything they wish Suggested revision: express themselves freely Why it matters: This phrasing conveys the intended freedom more naturally and precisely.
- 6. Fix paired conjunction Original: don’t Suggested revision: not Why it matters: The standard correlative structure is “not only … but also.”
- 7. Fix clause connection Original: But, the best part is, Suggested revision: But the best part is that Why it matters: The commas incorrectly separate the conjunction and complement from the main clause.
- 8. Fix agreement Original: all these come Suggested revision: all of this comes Why it matters: The preceding package of school benefits is treated as a singular overall offering.
- 9. Fix word order Original: but also he is going Suggested revision: but he is also going Why it matters: The subject should precede “also” to form a balanced coordinated clause.
- 10. Clarify the school cost Suggested revision: Add a specific fee or a clearer indication of the likely cost rather than only calling the price reasonable. Why it matters: The task explicitly asks how expensive the school is, and the current comparison remains vague.
Suggested Rewrites
- become be
- So, here, as you requested, As you requested,
- the elementary school, attended by my younger cousin, the elementary school attended by my younger cousin,
- The school, attended by my cousin, The school attended by my cousin
- say anything they wish express themselves freely
- don’t not
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter is strongest in its warm, appropriate tone and clear explanation of why the school would suit the friend's child, with all three requested points addressed. The cost point is comparatively brief and vague, while several awkward collocations and sentence patterns slightly reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to give more concrete information about fees or affordability and refine the paired not only ... but also structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are covered, and the informal tone suits a letter to a friend, though the cost detail is only briefly stated.
Add a specific fee, price range, or clearer comparison to develop the requested information about expense more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from context to school qualities, affordability, and a final recommendation, with clear paragraphing throughout.
Use slightly less emphatic linking and connect the school features to the recommendation more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
A varied vocabulary conveys the school's learning environment and activities effectively, although a few collocations such as grooming the little ones sound imprecise.
Choose more natural educational collocations, such as supporting children's development and offering extracurricular programmes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The letter uses a broad range of complex structures with generally strong control, but there are occasional punctuation and correlative-construction slips.
Refine comma use and consistently form structures such as children not only have fun but also learn practical skills.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
A friend wants to get some information about an elementary school where one of your cousins studies. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter:
- say why this school is a good elementary school
- mention how expensive it is
- explain why your friend should get his/her child admitted there
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.