For the past year, you have been a local club member. Now you want to end your membership. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter: - State what type of membership you have and how you have paid for this? - Give details of how you have benefited from the club? - Explain why you want to leave?
Sample Response
Dear Sir,
I hope this epistle finds you in excellent health. I want to inform you that I have decided to cease my membership with the prestigious Rotary Club in our vicinity after volunteering for a year as I am relocating to Sydney.
Furthermore, I had taken the premium membership as it comprises many social events and visiting orphanages. I always had the motivation to provide financial assistance to underprivileged children, and thus I joined this group. At the time of enrollment, I made an online transaction of 300 bucks directly to the club’s bank account. I believe that this fee is valid for another six months. However, I request you to provide it as a donation to destitute societies rather than a refund.
Moreover, it was a fascinating experience, and I would cherish the amazing moments of social service throughout my life. I was deeply overwhelmed with gratitude when we visited an orphanage and donated books, uniforms, and stationery items to poor children.
Additionally, I am elated to share that I have received an employment opportunity with a conglomerate company in Sydney, which I had been longing for months. I will be leaving for Australia on Monday. During my vacations, I ensure to visit our club and make ample contributions.
Thank you for everything, and hope to see you soon.
Yours faithfully,
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural register Original: epistle Suggested revision: letter Why it matters: “Epistle” is unusually literary for a routine letter to a club secretary.
- 2. Use standard collocation Original: cease Suggested revision: cancel Why it matters: “Cancel my membership” is the conventional phrase for ending club membership.
- 3. Keep purpose direct Original: prestigious Rotary Club Suggested revision: Rotary Club Why it matters: The promotional adjective is unnecessary in a practical cancellation request.
- 4. Fix tense and phrase Original: had taken the premium membership Suggested revision: have a premium membership Why it matters: The current membership requires present tense, and “have a membership” is the natural collocation.
- 5. Fix parallel structure Original: it comprises many social events and visiting orphanages Suggested revision: it includes many social events and visits to orphanages Why it matters: The coordinated benefits should use parallel noun phrases.
- 6. Use natural motivation Original: always had the motivation Suggested revision: have always wanted Why it matters: The revision expresses the continuing personal motivation more naturally.
- 7. Use consistent reference Original: this group Suggested revision: the club Why it matters: Referring directly to “the club” is clearer and more consistent with the task.
- 8. Use formal amount Original: 300 bucks Suggested revision: $300 Why it matters: “Bucks” is too informal for correspondence with a club secretary.
- 9. Clarify fee coverage Original: this fee is valid for another six months Suggested revision: this fee covers another six months Why it matters: A payment “covers” a membership period more naturally than being “valid” for it.
- 10. Fix donation phrase Original: provide it as a donation Suggested revision: donate the remaining amount Why it matters: The club should “donate” the money rather than “provide” it as a donation.
- 11. Name recipients clearly Original: destitute societies Suggested revision: charitable organisations Why it matters: “Destitute societies” does not clearly or naturally identify organisations receiving donations.
- 12. Choose fitting adjective Original: fascinating Suggested revision: rewarding Why it matters: “Rewarding” better conveys the personal benefit gained from social service.
Suggested Rewrites
- epistle letter
- cease cancel
- prestigious Rotary Club Rotary Club
- had taken the premium membership have a premium membership
- it comprises many social events and visiting orphanages it includes many social events and visits to orphanages
- always had the motivation have always wanted
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter fully covers the membership type and payment, the benefits gained, and the reason for leaving, with clear organization and substantial supporting detail. Its strongest feature is the purposeful development of each bullet point, while its main limitation is an overly ornate style with several imprecise collocations. The highest-priority improvement is to choose simpler, more natural formal vocabulary and maintain consistently appropriate register.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The communicative purpose is clear, and every bullet point is appropriately extended with specific, relevant information.
Maintain a consistently formal register by replacing informal wording such as '300 bucks' and stating the cancellation request as directly as possible.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced into clear paragraphs, although the repeated paragraph-opening linkers make cohesion somewhat formulaic.
Vary progression by letting the subject matter connect paragraphs naturally instead of opening successive paragraphs with 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'Additionally'.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of less common vocabulary is attempted, but several choices and collocations are strained or inappropriate for the context.
Prefer natural formal expressions such as 'letter', 'cancel my membership', 'donate the remaining fee', and 'large company' over unnecessarily elaborate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The letter contains varied complex structures and many accurate sentences, with a small number of tense and construction errors.
Refine verb patterns and time references, particularly 'I had taken the premium membership' and 'During my vacations, I ensure to visit'.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
For the past year, you have been a local club member. Now you want to end your membership. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter:
- State what type of membership you have and how you have paid for this?
- Give details of how you have benefited from the club?
- Explain why you want to leave?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.