Your child is going on a trip to another country for a week. The school authority is looking for some parents who can join the trip. You are interested in going with the children. Write a letter to the head of the school. In your letter: - say why you want to join the team - mention what you can do to assist - also ask questions related to the trip
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am the father of one of your students called Terry Anderson, and I am writing this letter to explore the possibility of joining you on a trip to Italy that the school has arranged.
I want to accompany your team as it will allow me to visit Italy, which once upon a time used to be the centre of world civilization, and have many attractive places to visit and many exciting activities to participate in. I also want to join the team to have a great time, and that too with my son! Besides, this trip will allow me to see a long-time friend of mine with whom I studied together at a foreign university who is originally from Italy.
By the way, including me in your team would certainly be an advantage because I can speak Italy. I can also free the youngsters from their boredom by sharing some funny and interesting stories with them. Besides, I also know how to prepare some quick snacks in case they go hungry.
But, before I really join you, I have a couple of questions to ask. Will I be allowed to roam around in the city separately with my son? Will there be other staff members with us to help the children?
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours faithfully,
Keith Anderson
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Introduce child naturally Original: students called Terry Anderson Suggested revision: students, Terry Anderson Why it matters: The appositive name is more natural than called in a formal introduction.
- 2. State request directly Original: writing this letter to explore the possibility of Suggested revision: writing to ask about Why it matters: This concise wording makes the purpose of the letter more direct.
- 3. Use suitable motivation Original: a great time, and that too with my son! Suggested revision: a meaningful experience with my son. Why it matters: The revision keeps the personal reason while using a more suitable tone for the head of a school.
- 4. Use formal transition Original: By the way, Suggested revision: In addition, Why it matters: By the way sounds conversational and suggests an unrelated aside.
- 5. Name the language Original: Italy Suggested revision: Italian Why it matters: Italy is the country, while Italian is the language.
- 6. Use natural support phrase Original: free the youngsters from their boredom Suggested revision: keep the children engaged Why it matters: The original expression is unnatural and overly dramatic.
- 7. Avoid redundant adjectives Original: funny and interesting stories Suggested revision: engaging stories Why it matters: Engaging conveys the intended effect without overlapping adjectives.
- 8. Remove faulty opener Original: But, before Suggested revision: Before Why it matters: But is unnecessary and should not be followed by a comma in this position.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: I want to accompany your team as it will allow me to visit Italy, which once upon a time used to be the centre of world civilization, and have many attractive places to visit and many exciting activities to participate in. Suggested revision: I would like to accompany the team because the trip offers an opportunity to visit Italy's many historic and attractive places and take part in its activities. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty relative clause and adopts a more formal tone while preserving the stated reason.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Besides, this trip will allow me to see a long-time friend of mine with whom I studied together at a foreign university who is originally from Italy. Suggested revision: The trip would also allow me to see a long-time Italian friend with whom I studied at university. Why it matters: This removes the redundant studied together and resolves the ambiguous relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- students called Terry Anderson students, Terry Anderson
- writing this letter to explore the possibility of writing to ask about
- a great time, and that too with my son! a meaningful experience with my son.
- By the way, In addition,
- Italy Italian
- free the youngsters from their boredom keep the children engaged
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter is clearly organised and addresses the reasons for joining, possible assistance, and questions about the trip with substantial detail. Its main limitation is suitability: several reasons centre on tourism, meeting a friend, and spending private time with the writer’s son rather than supporting the school group, while some phrasing is overly casual. Prioritise school-focused motivations and practical supervisory help in a consistently respectful register.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All bullet points are developed, but some motivations and the request to separate from the group are insufficiently aligned with the school trip’s purpose.
Emphasise safeguarding and group support, and ask logistical questions that help the school assess your suitability as a parent volunteer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing clearly separates purpose, reasons, assistance, and questions, and progression is easy to follow.
Tighten the reasons paragraph by removing tangential tourism and friendship details so each idea supports the volunteer request.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows reasonable range, but errors and unsuitable choices such as "speak Italy" and "roam around" reduce precision.
Use "speak Italian", "supervise the children", and "spend time separately" to express the intended meanings accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The letter uses varied complex sentences, but several relative clauses, coordination patterns, and punctuation choices are not fully controlled.
Revise the long Italy sentence and remove redundant constructions such as "with whom I studied together".
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
Your child is going on a trip to another country for a week. The school authority is looking for some parents who can join the trip. You are interested in going with the children. Write a letter to the head of the school. In your letter:
- say why you want to join the team
- mention what you can do to assist
- also ask questions related to the trip
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.