The manager at the company you work for is going to retire next month. The manager’s assistant has invited some suggestions about what kind of event they should do to say goodbye to him. Write a letter to your manager's assistant. In your letter: - say what kind of event you have in your mind - mention why you liked him/her as a manager - what kind of present can be given to your manager / Mrs...............,
Sample Response
Dear Linda, Thank you for taking me into confidence to request some suggestions from my end regarding how to send a befitting farewell and “goodbye” to our manager, Mr Oliver. Well, while I have rather limited experience in these kinds of things, I would surely like to offer some suggestions in order to throw a successful farewell party for our manager at a nice hotel- preferably at Grand Boutique Party Centre and Hotel. I think a buffet lunch would be deserving and suitable. Our manager deserves this kind of party because he truly has been an inspirational leader throughout the years through his hard works and diligence. Besides, his contributions to our overall marketing strategy and the daily operation of the department have ensured phenomenal growth for our company. But, what I really like the most about him is that he has never given up on any of his subordinates and instead has always taken personal initiatives to help us do better at our jobs. By the way, I have some great gift ideas for our favourite outgoing manager, including a nice looking, leather-made executive bag, a branded wristwatch and a metal desktop clock and finally, a pencil holder. Anyway, that is all the suggestions I have for you now. Let me know what you think of them. Yours sincerely, Oscar Leo
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: taking me into confidence to request some suggestions from my end Suggested revision: asking me for suggestions Why it matters: The original expression is unnecessarily elaborate and not idiomatic in this context.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: how to send a befitting farewell and “goodbye” Suggested revision: how to give Mr Oliver a fitting farewell Why it matters: English uses give someone a farewell rather than send a farewell.
- 3. Be more specific Original: these kinds of things Suggested revision: organising such events Why it matters: The replacement names the activity precisely while preserving the modest tone.
- 4. Tighten the proposal Original: in order to throw Suggested revision: for Why it matters: For links suggestions directly to the proposed farewell party more concisely.
- 5. Fix dash punctuation Original: hotel- preferably Suggested revision: hotel—preferably Why it matters: An em dash should not be written as a spaced or attached hyphen between clauses.
- 6. Choose accurate adjective Original: would be deserving and suitable Suggested revision: would be appropriate Why it matters: A lunch can be appropriate, but deserving does not describe the event naturally.
- 7. Use concise phrasing Original: throughout the years Suggested revision: over the years Why it matters: This is the more natural concise expression for the period described.
- 8. Use uncountable noun Original: hard works Suggested revision: hard work Why it matters: Work is uncountable when referring generally to effort.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: daily operation Suggested revision: daily operations Why it matters: Operations is the standard plural noun for a department's routine activities.
- 10. Improve the transition Original: But, what Suggested revision: However, what Why it matters: However creates a smoother formal contrast with the preceding company-level achievements.
- 11. Correct the expression Original: personal initiatives Suggested revision: the initiative Why it matters: Take the initiative is the natural fixed expression in this meaning.
- 12. Use natural modifiers Original: nice looking, leather-made Suggested revision: smart leather Why it matters: The original compound modifiers are awkward for describing an executive bag.
Suggested Rewrites
- taking me into confidence to request some suggestions from my end asking me for suggestions
- how to send a befitting farewell and “goodbye” how to give Mr Oliver a fitting farewell
- these kinds of things organising such events
- in order to throw for
- hotel- preferably hotel—preferably
- would be deserving and suitable would be appropriate
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter gives a clear, friendly, and well-developed response, with specific suggestions for the event, convincing reasons for appreciating the manager, and several suitable gift ideas. The main weakness is that some expressions are over-elaborate or slightly unnatural, and the single-block presentation weakens readability; the best improvement is to organise the three requested points into distinct paragraphs and use more idiomatic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are covered directly and developed with specific, relevant details in a suitably friendly workplace register.
Select one preferred gift and briefly justify why it suits the manager instead of offering a long list without prioritisation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a clear sequence and linking is effective, but presenting the entire letter as one paragraph reduces structural clarity.
Divide the response into short paragraphs for the event, appreciation of the manager, and the recommended present.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, though phrases such as 'taking me into confidence to request' and 'hard works' are not fully natural or accurate.
Use simpler idiomatic combinations, such as 'asking for my suggestions' and 'hard work and diligence', to improve precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with generally good control, although a few agreement, number, and punctuation errors remain.
Proofread plural and agreement forms, especially 'hard work' and 'those are all the suggestions', and tighten punctuation around lists.
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