Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you the contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher. In your letter say: - what your motivation is to learn a new language - how the teacher can help you - when you will be ready to start
Sample Response
Dear Mr Haruki, Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. First of all, please let me apologize to you because I am writing this letter to you without your prior permission, but I am writing on the advice of a well-respected person, whom you know personally, named Mr Jonathon Kyle. Mr Jonathon, my mentor, has spoken very highly of you. Now, please allow me to spell out why I am writing a letter to you. Actually, I am planning to learn the Japanese language, and I was told that you could teach me this language within a short period of time. I have heard that your teaching method is very proficient and it will certainly be helpful to me. I would also love to learn about how to be proficient in business communication in the Japanese language from you. Anyway, in case if you are wondering, I think that learning the Japanese language would provide me with some extra leverage in obtaining international employment opportunities, especially, in Japan. Besides, I have a few friends in Japan with whom I would like to talk to in their native language. And, I am ready to take the language lesson as soon as you ask. So, please let me know when I can start, and what I need to do before you can be ready to provide the language lesson for me. Yours faithfully, Robin Singh
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the subject Original: Hope this letter finds you Suggested revision: I hope this letter finds you Why it matters: The opening sentence requires the subject I.
- 2. Use the idiom Original: spirit Suggested revision: spirits Why it matters: In good health and spirits is the conventional expression.
- 3. Remove unnecessary apology Original: First of all, please let me apologize to you because I am writing this letter to you without your prior permission Suggested revision: I hope you do not mind my contacting you without a prior introduction Why it matters: Contacting a recommended teacher does not require prior permission, so a brief courteous opening is more appropriate.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: but I am writing on the advice of Suggested revision: as I am following the recommendation of Why it matters: Following a recommendation states the reason for contacting the teacher more naturally.
- 5. Remove wordiness Original: a well-respected person, whom you know personally, named Suggested revision: a respected mutual acquaintance, Why it matters: The concise phrase conveys both the person's reputation and connection to the teacher.
- 6. Use the surname Original: Jonathon Suggested revision: Kyle Why it matters: Mr is conventionally followed by the person's family name.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: spell out why Suggested revision: explain why Why it matters: Explain is more suitable than the conversational phrasal verb in this request.
- 8. Avoid repetition Original: writing a letter to you Suggested revision: contacting you Why it matters: The revision avoids repeatedly mentioning the act of writing.
- 9. Remove filler connector Original: Actually, I am planning Suggested revision: I am planning Why it matters: Actually does not mark a meaningful contrast or correction here.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: learn the Japanese language Suggested revision: learn Japanese Why it matters: Language names normally stand alone after learn.
- 11. Remove wordiness Original: this language within a short period of time Suggested revision: Japanese in a short period Why it matters: The revision identifies the language and removes the redundant phrase period of time.
- 12. Correct the description Original: teaching method is very proficient Suggested revision: teaching method is highly effective Why it matters: A person can be proficient, while a teaching method is effective.
Suggested Rewrites
- Hope this letter finds you I hope this letter finds you
- spirit spirits
- First of all, please let me apologize to you because I am writing this letter to you without your prior permission I hope you do not mind my contacting you without a prior introduction
- but I am writing on the advice of as I am following the recommendation of
- a well-respected person, whom you know personally, named a respected mutual acquaintance,
- Jonathon Kyle
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly explains the motivation to learn Japanese for employment and personal communication, identifies a need for business-language instruction, and confirms immediate availability to begin. Its main limitation is an overly apologetic and repetitive opening, followed by several awkward expressions that make a straightforward request sound less natural. Prioritise stating the referral, learning goals, preferred lesson support, and start availability directly and concisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are addressed with relevant motivations and a clear readiness to start, though the requested teaching support remains somewhat general.
Specify the preferred lesson format, frequency, and focus on business speaking so the teacher can respond practically.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses from referral to learning goals, motivations, and availability, but a long repetitive opening delays the main purpose.
Condense the apology and referral into one sentence, then use separate paragraphs for goals, support, and scheduling.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for language learning and employment, but many collocations are overly formal, repetitive, or unnatural.
Use direct phrases such as ‘Mr Kyle recommended you’, ‘business Japanese’, ‘career opportunities’, and ‘begin lessons’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures conveys the request, but recurring redundancy, preposition, clause, and punctuation errors reduce control.
Remove double forms such as ‘in case if’ and avoid ending relative constructions with unnecessary repeated prepositions.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you the contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher. In your letter say:
- what your motivation is to learn a new language
- how the teacher can help you
- when you will be ready to start
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.