Your child is going away on a school trip for three days to another country. The head teacher wants some parents to join the trip and you would like to go. Write a letter to the head teacher. In your letter: - Say why you would like to go - Suggest what you could do to help during the trip - Ask some more questions about the trip
Sample Response
Dear Mr. Johanson,
I am Jenny Morris's mom. I heard that the children are going to the Netherlands as a part of their school trip and that you want to have some parents to accompany them on the way.
I would like to go on this trip with my daughter. The main reason is because I am quite worried about her being on the plane for the first time and would like to be there with her in case she feels nervous. In addition, I have been to the Netherlands quite a few times myself so I could be a great tour guide for the children on the trip. I can also prepare some snacks for the children to nibble on the road.
I have some concerns, however, about the accommodation for the children. As far as I know, the place we plan to stay in is not really hygienic and may be infested with bugs in the summer. It may be a good idea to reconsider our accommodation options.
Thank you for your consideration and I am looking forward to hearing back from you. Yours sincerely,
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal wording Original: mom Suggested revision: mother Why it matters: Mother is more appropriate in a letter to a head teacher.
- 2. Use a formal verb Original: heard Suggested revision: understand Why it matters: Understand gives the opening a more professional tone.
- 3. Soften the wording Original: want to have some parents Suggested revision: would like some parents Why it matters: This phrasing is more respectful when referring to the head teacher's request.
- 4. Clarify the role Original: way Suggested revision: trip Why it matters: The parents are being asked to accompany the children throughout the trip, not only during the journey.
- 5. Fix the clause pattern Original: because Suggested revision: that Why it matters: Reason is that avoids the redundant construction reason is because.
- 6. Remove the reflexive Original: myself Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The reflexive pronoun is unnecessary because the subject is already stated.
- 7. Use measured language Original: great tour guide Suggested revision: helpful guide Why it matters: This wording presents the offer more modestly in a formal application letter.
- 8. Use a natural phrase Original: nibble on the road Suggested revision: eat during the journey Why it matters: This phrase clearly describes when the children can have the snacks.
- 9. Complete the sign-off Original: Yours sincerely, Suggested revision: Yours sincerely, Jenny Morris Why it matters: A formal letter should include the writer's name after the closing.
- 10. Ask direct questions Suggested revision: Add two direct questions about the accommodation checks and trip itinerary. Why it matters: The task specifically requires questions, while this paragraph only states concerns and gives advice.
Suggested Rewrites
- mom mother
- heard understand
- want to have some parents would like some parents
- way trip
- because that
- myself Delete
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter is clearly organised and uses varied, mostly accurate language to explain the writer's wish to join and the help they could offer. However, it does not actually ask the requested questions about the trip; the accommodation paragraph instead makes assertions and offers advice, and a few expressions are too informal or awkward for a head teacher. Add two or three polite, specific questions and maintain a consistently formal register.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose, reason for joining, and possible help are developed, but the response does not fulfil the instruction to ask questions about the trip.
Replace or supplement the accommodation assertions with polite questions about lodging, supervision, transport, or the itinerary.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter is logically sequenced into clear paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through reasons, offers, and concerns.
Make the final body paragraph connect more directly to the requested enquiry function rather than shifting into unsupported advice.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary communicates the situation precisely, though expressions such as 'mom,' 'nibble on the road,' and 'great tour guide' are somewhat informal or awkward here.
Choose consistently formal, natural wording suited to a head teacher, such as 'mother,' 'during the journey,' and 'help guide the group.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Remove minor redundancies such as 'The main reason is because' and check sentence phrasing for greater concision.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
Your child is going away on a school trip for three days to another country. The head teacher wants some parents to join the trip and you would like to go. Write a letter to the head teacher. In your letter:
- Say why you would like to go
- Suggest what you could do to help during the trip
- Ask some more questions about the trip
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.