You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter include the following information: - what kind of business do you want to start - how much money do you need - the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you to make a request to assist me in providing a loan for setting up a small business.
Let me inform you that I had been looking for running a new business. Now, I got an opportunity, and after continuous research, I found that I had better run a Cafe as there is total wilderness near my locality. So, running a cafe at such a place would allure people to enjoy its services. Besides, natural vegetation will act as a piece of cake for a cafe.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix verb pattern Original: had been looking for running Suggested revision: have been looking to start Why it matters: Look to start is the correct verb pattern for describing this current intention.
- 2. Use current tense Original: got Suggested revision: have Why it matters: The present tense fits an opportunity that is available now.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: continuous Suggested revision: extensive Why it matters: Extensive research is the natural collocation for thorough investigation.
- 4. State the decision Original: I had better run Suggested revision: I have decided to open Why it matters: Had better expresses advice or warning rather than a researched business decision.
- 5. Clarify the location Original: total wilderness near my locality Suggested revision: an undeveloped area near my neighbourhood Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and does not clearly describe the proposed location.
- 6. Use business vocabulary Original: allure people Suggested revision: attract customers Why it matters: Attract customers is the appropriate collocation for drawing people to a business.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: enjoy its services Suggested revision: visit it Why it matters: People visit a café, so this phrasing expresses the intended action more naturally.
- 8. Replace misused idiom Original: a piece of cake for a cafe Suggested revision: an advantage for the café Why it matters: A piece of cake means something easy and does not express a business advantage.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: I am writing to you to make a request to assist me in providing a loan for setting up a small business. Suggested revision: I am writing to request information about obtaining a loan to set up a small business. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the tangled request structure and states the purpose directly.
- 10. State the amount needed Suggested revision: Add the exact amount of money you wish to borrow. Why it matters: The response does not address the prompt's loan-amount bullet point.
- 11. Give a repayment period Suggested revision: Add the period over which you expect to repay the loan. Why it matters: The response omits the required repayment-time bullet point.
Suggested Rewrites
- had been looking for running have been looking to start
- got have
- continuous extensive
- I had better run I have decided to open
- total wilderness near my locality an undeveloped area near my neighbourhood
- allure people attract customers
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response establishes a formal loan request and identifies the proposed café, giving the reader a basic sense of the business idea. However, it is substantially under length, omits both the amount required and the repayment period, and ends before completing the letter; several expressions are also confusing. The highest priority is to cover every bullet point explicitly and finish the correspondence with a clear information request and closing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The café idea is introduced, but two required bullet points are entirely missing and the letter is seriously under length and incomplete.
State the exact loan amount and proposed repayment period, then ask about terms and eligibility before adding a formal closing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The opening and business description have a basic progression, but the response stops after one body paragraph and some ideas connect unclearly.
Organise one focused paragraph around each requested detail and conclude with a direct request for the bank's response.
Lexical Resource
There is some attempt at varied vocabulary, but phrases such as looking for running, total wilderness, and act as a piece of cake are inaccurate.
Choose straightforward business vocabulary and describe the location's commercial opportunity in precise, natural language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Several sentences are structurally sound, but tense choices and verb patterns are inconsistent and some complex phrasing is awkward.
Use consistent present and future forms for the proposal and correct patterns such as plan to run and would attract customers.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter include the following information:
- what kind of business do you want to start
- how much money do you need
- the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.