You work for a large company. Your manager has asked staff for ideas about how to improve the staff canteen. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - explain what problems the canteen has at the moment - suggest two changes that would improve it - say how staff would benefit from the changes
Sample Response
Dear Mr Clark,
I am writing in response to your request for ideas about the staff canteen. I use it almost every day, so I hope my comments are useful.
At the moment there are only four microwaves for more than two hundred staff, and the queue at lunchtime often takes fifteen minutes. The menu also changes very rarely, and there is nothing suitable for staff who do not eat meat. Several people therefore buy lunch outside instead.
I would suggest adding two more microwaves and opening the canteen half an hour earlier, so that the lunch break is spread over a longer period. It might also be a good idea to offer one vegetarian dish each day, as several colleagues bring their own food for that reason.
These changes would give everyone more time to rest before the afternoon, and I believe more staff would eat in the canteen rather than going out. I would be happy to help collect further ideas from my team if that would be useful.
Yours sincerely, Kenji Sato
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Address the reader directly Original: so I hope my comments are useful Suggested revision: and I hope you find my comments useful Why it matters: The reader-focused phrasing sounds more natural in a formal letter.
- 2. Punctuate opening phrase Original: At the moment there are Suggested revision: At the moment, there are Why it matters: A comma clearly separates the introductory phrase from the main clause.
- 3. Fix the collocation Original: the queue at lunchtime often takes fifteen minutes Suggested revision: staff often wait fifteen minutes in the lunchtime queue Why it matters: People spend time waiting; a queue itself does not take fifteen minutes.
- 4. Use natural word order Original: The menu also changes very rarely Suggested revision: The menu also rarely changes Why it matters: Placing rarely before the main verb is more concise and natural.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: buy lunch outside instead Suggested revision: buy lunch elsewhere Why it matters: Elsewhere expresses the contrast more concisely in a formal letter.
- 6. Clarify the intended effect Original: opening the canteen half an hour earlier, so that the lunch break is spread over a longer period Suggested revision: opening the canteen half an hour earlier so that staff can stagger their lunch breaks over a longer period Why it matters: This revision makes clear that staff timing, rather than the break itself, would be spread out.
- 7. Make proposal direct Original: It might also be a good idea to offer Suggested revision: I also recommend offering Why it matters: The direct recommendation is concise while retaining an appropriately formal tone.
- 8. Clarify the timing Original: more time to rest before the afternoon Suggested revision: more time to rest during their lunch break Why it matters: This wording identifies the relevant period more precisely.
- 9. Use formal collocation Original: collect further ideas Suggested revision: gather further suggestions Why it matters: Gather suggestions is a more natural formal collocation for requesting staff input.
- 10. Link each benefit Suggested revision: Connect the reduced waiting time to the extra microwaves and earlier opening, then state how the vegetarian option benefits affected staff. Why it matters: Explicit links would show how each proposed change benefits employees.
Suggested Rewrites
- so I hope my comments are useful and I hope you find my comments useful
- At the moment there are At the moment, there are
- the queue at lunchtime often takes fifteen minutes staff often wait fifteen minutes in the lunchtime queue
- The menu also changes very rarely The menu also rarely changes
- buy lunch outside instead buy lunch elsewhere
- opening the canteen half an hour earlier, so that the lunch break is spread over a longer period opening the canteen half an hour earlier so that staff can stagger their lunch breaks over a longer period
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response is exceptionally clear and purposeful, linking specific canteen problems to practical changes and tangible staff benefits in a consistently professional tone. Its main limitation is only slight lexical repetition and relatively conservative wording in an otherwise highly controlled letter; the highest-priority improvement is to vary references to staff, food, and the canteen while retaining the present economy and precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is fully achieved, with concrete problems, more than two feasible changes, and clearly explained benefits for staff.
A brief indication of how the extra equipment could be funded would make the recommendations even more actionable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced effortlessly from purpose to problems, solutions, benefits, and a constructive offer of further help.
Keep the same efficient structure while varying repeated references to the canteen and staff where possible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is accurate, natural, and appropriately formal, with precise expressions for queues, scheduling, and dietary needs.
Introduce a little more lexical variety when describing employees and lunchtime arrangements to demonstrate still broader flexibility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of sentence forms is used with excellent control, and the response is virtually error-free.
Continue refining stylistic concision in longer coordinated sentences while preserving the strong grammatical accuracy.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You work for a large company. Your manager has asked staff for ideas about how to improve the staff canteen. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
- explain what problems the canteen has at the moment
- suggest two changes that would improve it
- say how staff would benefit from the changes
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.