You want to start your own business. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter: - tell him/her about your business? - explain why you think it is a good idea? - ask him/her for some help or advice?
Sample Response
Dear Guri, How are you? It’s not been so long since we’ve talked with each other. You’ll be thrilled to know that I’ve decided to run my own business most probably in the next month.
Let me tell you that I’ve planned to open my art academy. It has been designed to cater for the needs of all age groups, who will be keen to learn dance, painting, creative writing, and to name but a few. The charges for the above-mentioned programme are reasonable. It will run into two sessions. Morning and evening.
Moreover, it will assist me in becoming independent financially as well as I shall have a golden opportunity to remove my loneliness by meeting people belonging to different cultures. Besides, young learners can avail their recreational time in an effective way.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural timing Original: most probably in the next month Suggested revision: probably next month Why it matters: This is the concise and idiomatic way to express the expected start date.
- 2. Use direct tense Original: I’ve planned Suggested revision: I plan Why it matters: The simple present states the current business plan more directly.
- 3. Fix the determiner Original: my Suggested revision: an Why it matters: The academy has not been introduced as an existing specific institution, so the indefinite article is needed.
- 4. Match future plan Original: has been designed Suggested revision: will be designed Why it matters: The academy is still a future plan, so the future form is appropriate.
- 5. Use a human antecedent Original: all age groups, who Suggested revision: people of all ages who Why it matters: 'Who' must refer to people rather than to age groups.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: will be keen to learn Suggested revision: are interested in learning Why it matters: This phrasing naturally describes the intended students and their interests.
- 7. Complete the list Original: and to name but a few Suggested revision: among other activities Why it matters: The original phrase is not grammatically integrated into the list.
- 8. Use specific reference Original: above-mentioned programme Suggested revision: academy’s courses Why it matters: This phrase refers directly to the classes whose fees are being described.
- 9. Use natural word order Original: assist me in becoming independent financially Suggested revision: help me become financially independent Why it matters: This is the idiomatic word order and collocation.
- 10. Join ideas correctly Original: as well as I shall have Suggested revision: and give me Why it matters: The replacement coordinates the two benefits in one grammatical structure.
- 11. Use natural expression Original: remove my loneliness Suggested revision: feel less lonely Why it matters: English normally describes reducing loneliness as feeling less lonely.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: people belonging to different cultures Suggested revision: people from different cultures Why it matters: This conveys the same meaning more naturally and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- most probably in the next month probably next month
- I’ve planned I plan
- my an
- has been designed will be designed
- all age groups, who people of all ages who
- will be keen to learn are interested in learning
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents the proposed art academy clearly and gives several relevant reasons why it could benefit both the writer and learners. However, it is under length, ends abruptly, and completely omits the request for help or advice; the highest-priority improvement is to add a developed final section asking the friend for specific support, followed by a suitable closing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The business and its benefits are explained, but the help-or-advice bullet is omitted and the under-length letter is visibly incomplete.
Add a specific request for advice or practical help and finish with an appropriate friendly closing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas are grouped into sensible paragraphs and progress from the announcement to details and benefits, although the response stops before completing its purpose.
Use a final paragraph to connect the business rationale to the exact assistance being requested.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss the academy and its benefits, but several expressions are awkward or inaccurate.
Replace phrases such as ‘run into two sessions’, ‘remove my loneliness’, and ‘avail their recreational time’ with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms with generally clear meaning, but fragments and awkward clause construction reduce control.
Turn fragments such as ‘Morning and evening’ into complete sentences and proofread relative clauses and coordination.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You want to start your own business. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter:
- tell him/her about your business?
- explain why you think it is a good idea?
- ask him/her for some help or advice?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.