You would like a job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people. Write a letter to the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter: - explain what sort of work you would like to do - describe your personality - say what relevant experience and skills you have
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I have recently found out about your desire to hire someone at the summer camp to help children and young people. I just thought that I should apply for this job and gain some rewarding experience this summer.
I am applying to work as a “Camp Leader” at your summer camp, and I am confident that I have the required qualifications, credentials and skills to supervise the children and young people and keep them happy and safe, while also coordinating all of their activities and developing new programmes for them at the same time.
In the past, I worked with a large group of children at a local children’s club where I successfully helped them in developing new skills and hobbies. Besides, I also have experience working as a part-time physical instructor at an elementary school in my hometown. And as far as my personality is concerned, I am fairly healthy and energetic, passionate about my responsibilities, and I never lose my patience that easily.
So, please consider me for the position of 'camp leader' at your summer camp and see the difference I make with your children and youth.
I would be glad to hear a positive reply from you.
Yours faithfully,
James Cullen
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: your desire to hire someone Suggested revision: the vacancy Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise way to refer to the available position.
- 2. State purpose directly Original: I just thought that I should apply Suggested revision: I would like to apply Why it matters: A direct statement of purpose is more suitable for a formal application letter.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: qualifications, credentials and skills Suggested revision: qualifications and skills Why it matters: Qualifications and credentials overlap in meaning here, so one term is sufficient.
- 4. Be more concise Original: all of their activities Suggested revision: their activities Why it matters: All of is unnecessary because their activities already conveys the intended scope.
- 5. Delete repetition Original: at the same time Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: While also already expresses simultaneity, making this phrase repetitive.
- 6. Correct verb pattern Original: helped them in developing Suggested revision: helped them develop Why it matters: Help is naturally followed by an object and the base form of the verb in this structure.
- 7. Use formal connector Original: Besides Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: In addition provides a smoother formal transition between relevant experiences.
- 8. Choose relevant wording Original: fairly healthy Suggested revision: physically fit Why it matters: Physically fit describes readiness for sports and outdoor work more precisely.
- 9. Use positive phrasing Original: never lose my patience that easily Suggested revision: remain patient even in challenging situations Why it matters: The positive formulation sounds more confident and professional in an application.
- 10. Develop outdoor experience Suggested revision: Add one brief example of a sport or outdoor activity you have led or taught. Why it matters: A concrete example would connect your experience more directly to the camp's sports and outdoor programme.
Suggested Rewrites
- your desire to hire someone the vacancy
- I just thought that I should apply I would like to apply
- qualifications, credentials and skills qualifications and skills
- all of their activities their activities
- at the same time Delete
- helped them in developing helped them develop
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter covers every requested point with a clear formal purpose, relevant experience, and convincing detail about the camp-leader role. Its main limitation is that several expressions sound inflated or unnatural, which slightly reduces precision despite strong grammatical control; the highest-priority improvement is to use simpler, more idiomatic phrasing when describing suitability and personal qualities.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The application has a clear purpose and develops the desired role, personality, experience, and relevant skills in appropriate detail.
Make the request still more persuasive by linking one specific camp activity to a concrete skill or achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from the application purpose through suitability and experience to a clear closing request.
Shorten the heavily extended second paragraph sentence and use less conspicuous linking between ideas.
Lexical Resource
A good range of job-related vocabulary conveys responsibilities and experience clearly, though some collocations are unnatural or overstated.
Replace phrases such as “desire to hire,” “fairly healthy,” and “children and youth” with more natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally accurate and meaning remains consistently clear, with only minor awkwardness.
Refine preposition and adverb choices in phrases such as “helped them in developing” and “never lose my patience that easily.”
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You would like a job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people. Write a letter to the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter:
- explain what sort of work you would like to do
- describe your personality
- say what relevant experience and skills you have
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.