You are studying English at a private language school attended by many international students. You are planning a surprise birthday party for a friend who has been feeling particularly sad and homesick. Write to another classmate and invite him/her to the party. In your letter: - explain the reason for the party - give the date and time of the party - suggest what the classmate could bring to the party
Sample Response
Dear Tim, How are you? Hope you're enjoying the English lessons at the language school. Anyway, not sure if you're aware of it, but our good classmate, Robin, from Turkey is going to have his 19th birthday next Friday, which falls on the 25th of September, and I've made a plan to make it a surprise birthday party just after our English language class. By the way, in case you haven’t noticed, currently, Robin is going through a rough time since he is feeling a bit more homesick than usual. Besides, he's also struggling a lot to get used to this new culture of a foreign country. On top of that, the news of his little sister’s sickness has also made him depressed. In this kind of situation, giving him a big surprise on his birthday would certainly cheer him up. Anyway, I already have a plan about who should bring what to the party. Timothy and Kelly should bring their specially-made flower cake while Johnson should bring his guitar to play his special tune. As for you and me, we will bring the candles to decorate the cake and the banners to decorate the room. Let's have a great party to cheer Robin up! Warm wishes, Justin
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix awkward expression Original: this new culture of a foreign country Suggested revision: the local culture Why it matters: The original phrase is unnecessarily indirect and unnatural in this context.
- 2. Fix determiner choice Original: their specially-made flower cake Suggested revision: a specially made flower cake Why it matters: A is needed because Timothy and Kelly are bringing one cake, and the adverbial compound needs no hyphen.
- 3. Add the subject Original: Hope you're enjoying Suggested revision: I hope you're enjoying Why it matters: Adding the subject makes this opening a complete sentence while retaining the friendly tone.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: our good classmate Suggested revision: our friend and classmate Why it matters: This phrase sounds more natural when describing the relationship with Robin.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: is going to have his 19th birthday Suggested revision: is turning 19 Why it matters: This is a more direct and idiomatic way to state Robin's upcoming birthday.
- 6. Streamline the date Original: next Friday, which falls on the 25th of September Suggested revision: next Friday, 25 September Why it matters: The shorter phrasing gives the date clearly without an unnecessary relative clause.
- 7. Avoid awkward repetition Original: made a plan to make it a surprise birthday party Suggested revision: planned a surprise birthday party Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated use of make and expresses the plan more naturally.
- 8. Clarify the transition Original: in case you haven’t noticed, currently Suggested revision: as you may have noticed Why it matters: The revision removes an awkward combination of discourse markers and connects the explanation smoothly.
- 9. Give an exact time Suggested revision: Add the party's precise start time and location after stating the date, rather than relying only on “just after” class. Why it matters: The date is clear, but the invitation needs sufficiently specific practical details for the requested time.
- 10. Use letter paragraphs Suggested revision: Separate the greeting, party reason, date and arrangements, requested contribution, and closing into short paragraphs. Why it matters: The current single block makes otherwise relevant information harder to scan.
Suggested Rewrites
- this new culture of a foreign country the local culture
- their specially-made flower cake a specially made flower cake
- Hope you're enjoying I hope you're enjoying
- our good classmate our friend and classmate
- is going to have his 19th birthday is turning 19
- next Friday, which falls on the 25th of September next Friday, 25 September
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter fully explains the surprise, gives a clear date and time, and makes a practical suggestion about what the recipient can bring, while maintaining a warm, appropriate tone. Its main limitation is presentation: the whole message is compressed into one paragraph and several transitions are repetitive. Dividing the content into purposeful paragraphs would make the invitation more polished and easier to follow.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter clearly fulfils its purpose, covers all three bullet points, and develops the reason for the party in an appropriately friendly tone.
Make the request to Tim even more direct by stating precisely which item he alone should bring.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress logically from the invitation and its reason to the practical arrangements, but one-block presentation and repeated linking phrases weaken cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for the invitation, Robin's situation, and the party arrangements, with fewer repetitions of phrases such as 'Anyway' and 'By the way'.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of natural informal vocabulary, including precise expressions for Robin's feelings and the party preparations.
Replace slightly awkward combinations such as 'the new culture of a foreign country' and 'play his special tune' with more idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of simple and complex structures is used with strong control, and the few informal fragments do not impede meaning.
Turn the abbreviated opening phrases into complete sentences and check punctuation around the longer clauses for greater precision.