You are going on a short training course at a college in Sydney, Australia. You need somewhere to live while you are there. In your letter: - Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter: - explain your situation - describe the accommodation you require - say when you will need it
Sample Response
Dear Mrs Walker
I am writing in connection with my upcoming training course at your college in Sydney, Australia. I will be there to attend the Brain- Based Learning program at Victoria College for a period of three weeks from July 2st to July 22st, 2010. I am hoping that you will be able to assist me with my accommodation arrangements.
As I am slightly older than most of the other participants, I would appreciate it if you could find a private studio apartment for me, close to the college. It would be ideal if I could walk to school each day, but if not, I would need access to public transportation. I understand some of the events on campus finish quite late so I would prefer not to walk in an unfamiliar neighbourhood after dark. In terms of the apartment, all I require is a bed, a desk, a TV, an Internet connection, a kitchen and a bathroom. My budget is around US $1000 for 3 weeks.
As I will be arriving on July 1st, I would need the apartment to be available from that night until the day of my departure, which is July 23rd. My last night in the apartment would be July 22nd.
Please let me know if you are able to find such an apartment and if not, please suggest other suitable arrangements. I look forward to hearing from you,
Yours sincerely,
Jane Goodwin
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Punctuate the salutation Original: Dear Mrs Walker Suggested revision: Dear Mrs Walker, Why it matters: A comma conventionally follows the salutation in a formal letter.
- 2. Correct ordinal suffix Original: 2st Suggested revision: 2nd Why it matters: The ordinal form of 2 is “2nd.”
- 3. Correct ordinal suffix Original: 22st Suggested revision: 22nd Why it matters: The ordinal form of 22 is “22nd.”
- 4. Make the phrase concise Original: for a period of three weeks Suggested revision: for three weeks Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same duration more directly.
- 5. Specify the preferred distance Original: close to the college Suggested revision: within walking distance of the college Why it matters: This wording matches the later preference to walk to the college each day.
- 6. Use precise transport wording Original: access to public transportation Suggested revision: convenient access to public transport Why it matters: The revision describes the required accessibility more precisely.
- 7. Separate linked clauses Original: finish quite late so Suggested revision: finish quite late, so Why it matters: A comma clarifies the boundary between the two independent clauses.
- 8. Format the currency clearly Original: US $1000 Suggested revision: US$1,000 Why it matters: This is the conventional compact format for the stated budget.
- 9. End the sentence correctly Original: you, Suggested revision: you. Why it matters: A full stop should end the sentence before the complimentary closing.
Suggested Rewrites
- Dear Mrs Walker Dear Mrs Walker,
- 2st 2nd
- 22st 22nd
- for a period of three weeks for three weeks
- close to the college within walking distance of the college
- access to public transportation convenient access to public transport
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a focused, courteous letter that fully explains the course, accommodation preferences, budget, and exact dates, with details selected to help the officer act on the request. Organisation and language are consistently strong, while the main weakness is a small cluster of inaccurate ordinal dates in the opening. The highest-priority refinement is to proofread dates and remove that avoidable inconsistency before submission.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter fully achieves its purpose, develops every requested point, and maintains an appropriate polite register throughout.
Proofread the arrival and course dates so the otherwise complete practical information is fully consistent.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced naturally in well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used unobtrusively and clear referencing throughout.
For even tighter presentation, keep all arrival and departure details together rather than introducing a conflicting course date earlier.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural for requesting accommodation, with effective expressions for location, facilities, transport, and alternatives.
Maintain this precision while checking small written-form details such as ordinal suffixes in dates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Correct the malformed ordinals in July 2st and July 22st and retain the same strong sentence control elsewhere.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are going on a short training course at a college in Sydney, Australia. You need somewhere to live while you are there. In your letter:
- Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter:
- explain your situation
- describe the accommodation you require
- say when you will need it
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.