You came to know about a piece of equipment that would help you at your workplace. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - describe the equipment - explain how it might be helpful at your workplace - offer help in purchasing it.
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you to let you keep updated with the recently launched fire safe box in the market at a discounted rate. I suppose it would be conducive for our office.
Let me inform you in detail about the fire safe box. It is a small box, but it has sufficient space to store any item. It has an inbuilt alarm as well as an electronic lock, which is safe and secure.
Would you mind remembering last year’s incident? It had been a heart-rendering scene when the fire suddenly broke out, and resultantly there was a huge loss of property. So, a fire safe box can help in keeping our valuables safe such as insurance papers, confidential files, passports of the employees, who frequently visit overseas to represent their company’s products. It can withstand heat for up to an hour at 1200° temperature.
May I venture to add a few suggestions? Either it can be purchased offline or online. If it is purchased online, then there is a flat 50% discount. Therefore, that amount of 2 fire safe boxes can be bought and installed on the ground floor as it is safer to install them there instead of on the top floor, where the risk of fire exposure is more.
I am looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Yours Sincerely,
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the verb pattern Original: let you keep updated with Suggested revision: keep you informed about Why it matters: The revised structure is the natural way to introduce information to the manager.
- 2. Use the standard term Original: the recently launched fire safe box Suggested revision: a recently launched fireproof safe Why it matters: 'Fireproof safe' is a clearer and more natural name for the equipment described.
- 3. Use the right preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Products are described as being 'on the market'.
- 4. Choose a natural adjective Original: conducive for our office Suggested revision: beneficial to our office Why it matters: 'Beneficial to' expresses the intended usefulness more naturally than 'conducive for'.
- 5. Use direct formal wording Original: Let me inform you in detail Suggested revision: Let me provide more details Why it matters: This phrasing introduces the description more naturally and concisely.
- 6. Make the capacity precise Original: store any item Suggested revision: store important items Why it matters: The revised wording matches the later examples of valuable office documents without making an absolute claim.
- 7. Remove unclear reference Original: an electronic lock, which is safe and secure Suggested revision: a secure electronic lock Why it matters: The concise noun phrase avoids an unclear relative clause and redundant adjectives.
- 8. Use a natural question Original: Would you mind remembering Suggested revision: Do you remember Why it matters: 'Would you mind' normally introduces a request rather than asking whether someone recalls an event.
- 9. Use simple past Original: It had been Suggested revision: It was Why it matters: The simple past is appropriate because no later past reference point requires the past perfect.
- 10. Correct the expression Original: rendering Suggested revision: rending Why it matters: 'Heart-rending' is the correct adjective for a deeply distressing scene.
- 11. Use a natural linker Original: resultantly Suggested revision: as a result Why it matters: This connector expresses the consequence more naturally in a formal letter.
- 12. Remove the defining comma Original: passports of the employees, who Suggested revision: passports of employees who Why it matters: The relative clause identifies which employees are meant, so it should not be separated by a comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- let you keep updated with keep you informed about
- the recently launched fire safe box a recently launched fireproof safe
- in on
- conducive for our office beneficial to our office
- Let me inform you in detail Let me provide more details
- store any item store important items
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is well organised and gives specific, relevant detail about the fire-safe box and its value to the workplace. However, it does not clearly offer the writer's own help with purchasing, and several ambitious expressions sound unnatural. The most important improvement is to add a direct practical offer of assistance, then express the supporting details in simpler, more idiomatic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The equipment and its workplace benefits are developed clearly, but purchasing advice does not fully satisfy the request to offer personal help.
State exactly how the writer can assist, such as comparing suppliers, placing the order, or arranging delivery.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through the purpose, equipment description, benefits, and purchasing considerations, with effective paragraphing.
Remove the rhetorical questions and streamline transitions so the formal letter develops even more directly.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific and less common vocabulary is used, although several choices and collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Prefer idiomatic expressions for introducing the product, recalling the fire, describing heat resistance, and discussing the discounted price.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, but awkward clause construction and reference occasionally weaken accuracy.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check pronoun reference, modification, and article use in the technical and purchasing details.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You came to know about a piece of equipment that would help you at your workplace. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
- describe the equipment
- explain how it might be helpful at your workplace
- offer help in purchasing it.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.