Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays people are calling into question the acceptance of situations that are severely harsh. While some of the individuals claim that accepting these circumstances is superior, others insist on improving these conditions. In this essay, both sides will be scrutinized followed by my own take on the matter.
On the one hand, the benefits of accepting demanding situations are by no means negligible. To begin with, being in a hostile situation is highly likely to enhance people’s patience. Simply put, when ones are under severe pressure and fail to change their position for the better on their own, they are just obliged to wait till, for example, an external factor can assist them. Consequently, they are being converted to more tolerant people. Furthermore, it is bound to prevent immediate reaction to these situations which can be destructive decisions. Because reacting impulsively to a hostile position might well result in an inappropriate response.
On the other hand, opponents of the mentioned view say that trying to figure out a solution to the problem is more beneficial. First of all, a hard-working person who always seeks to find a solution is more likely to achieve their goal. To be more exact, the more hardworking people are, the less harsh situation they will confront. Take PhD candidates who would face a mathematical problem during their thesis as an example; they will potentially overcome the barrier by searching hard on the internet. Moreover, it may broaden individuals’ horizons and acquire some skills by learning substantial constructive information during their attempts to find an alternative.
In conclusion, although accepting a bad situation would increase human’s tolerance and prevent reacting compulsorily, I strongly believe, not only will the hard-working conquer the problem, but also they will acquire knowledge in their way of finding a solution.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct phrasing Original: calling into question the acceptance of Suggested revision: questioning whether to accept Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea more directly and naturally.
- 2. Avoid redundant intensity Original: severely harsh Suggested revision: very difficult Why it matters: ‘Severely’ and ‘harsh’ combine unnaturally, while ‘very difficult’ fits the situations described.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: some of the individuals Suggested revision: some individuals Why it matters: No definite group has been identified, so ‘the’ is unnecessary.
- 4. Choose context-appropriate noun Original: hostile Suggested revision: difficult Why it matters: ‘Difficult’ matches examples such as an unsatisfactory job or financial shortage more accurately than ‘hostile’.
- 5. Use correct people noun Original: ones Suggested revision: people Why it matters: ‘Ones’ cannot function as a general noun for people in this structure.
- 6. Clarify intended change Original: change their position for the better Suggested revision: improve their situation Why it matters: The original phrase can suggest changing an opinion or location rather than improving circumstances.
- 7. Use natural modality Original: they are just obliged to wait Suggested revision: they may simply have to wait Why it matters: The revision expresses practical necessity more naturally and avoids the overly absolute ‘obliged’.
- 8. Fix change construction Original: they are being converted to more tolerant people Suggested revision: they become more tolerant Why it matters: People ‘become’ tolerant; the passive construction with ‘converted to’ is ungrammatical here.
- 9. Repair sentence fragment Original: Because reacting Suggested revision: Reacting Why it matters: Removing ‘Because’ turns the dependent fragment into a complete sentence.
- 10. Use correct situation term Original: a hostile position Suggested revision: a difficult situation Why it matters: ‘Position’ does not clearly refer to adverse circumstances in this context.
- 11. Use natural reference Original: opponents of the mentioned view Suggested revision: opponents of this view Why it matters: ‘This view’ is the standard concise reference to the position just discussed.
- 12. Improve solution collocation Original: trying to figure out a solution Suggested revision: trying to find a solution Why it matters: English conventionally uses ‘find a solution’ rather than ‘figure out a solution’.
Suggested Rewrites
- calling into question the acceptance of questioning whether to accept
- severely harsh very difficult
- some of the individuals some individuals
- hostile difficult
- ones people
- change their position for the better improve their situation
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear structure, discusses both views, and states a firm preference for trying to improve difficult situations. Its main weakness is frequent imprecise or unnatural phrasing, compounded by several faulty complex sentences, which sometimes obscures otherwise relevant reasoning; the highest priority is to use simpler, more idiomatic language and ensure each example directly and convincingly supports its claim.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, though some supporting claims and the academic example are not fully convincing or developed.
Explain the cause-and-effect link behind each argument and choose an example that more directly represents a genuinely difficult life situation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion structure with logical overall progression, despite some mechanical linking and a sentence fragment.
Integrate supporting sentences more smoothly and avoid beginning a fragment with Because after a complete statement.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts a broad and ambitious vocabulary, but frequent collocational and word-choice inaccuracies limit precision and naturalness.
Prefer familiar accurate phrases, replacing expressions such as converted to more tolerant people and reacting compulsorily with idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of complex forms, but recurring errors in pronouns, clause construction, agreement, and coordination reduce control.
Use shorter complex sentences and check that each coordinated verb has a clear, grammatically compatible subject.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.