Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many concerned parties today feel that crime has already been reduced as much as is realistically possible. While I agree this may be true in nations where security is prioritized over privacy rights, there is still tremendous progress that can be made globally.
Those who argue crime no longer needs addressing point to technological innovations. This situation is most apparent in authoritarian nations. Security surveillance can include the use of street cameras, digital tracking, and eavesdropping on private communications. For instance, in South Korea the crime rate in most urban areas is negligible and the average person reports little anxiety about possible criminality, in contrast to periods in the past when there were more instances of robbery, assault, theft, pickpocketing, and so on. These technological shifts have greatly aided law enforcement in prosecuting criminals thereby also increasing the deterrence of potential offences.
However, crime still exists and can be countered by addressing the deeper, societal roots. The main cause of all crime is poverty. When individuals earn a wage sufficient to maintain a decent standard of living, the entire motive for most crimes disappears. The evidence for this is that in wealthy countries where there is a relatively even distribution of wealth, the crime rates are low and the police do not require draconian punishment or surveillance techniques. Beyond income, it is also possible to invest in improving mental health. Many people today spend too much time online and are vulnerable to extremist views. A still significant proportion of crimes could be eliminated by encouraging people to spend more time outdoors in their community.
In conclusion, though technology has reduced certain kinds of criminality greatly, it is still possible to lower crime rates by embracing a holistic, societal approach. The complete eradication of crime is likely impossible and therefore there will always be a need to make progress.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify passive meaning Original: crime no longer needs addressing Suggested revision: crime no longer needs to be addressed Why it matters: The passive infinitive states more explicitly that action against crime is considered unnecessary.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: situation Suggested revision: view Why it matters: 'This view' refers more directly to the preceding claim than the vague noun 'situation'.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: Security surveillance Suggested revision: Surveillance Why it matters: 'Surveillance' already denotes security monitoring, so the extra modifier is unnecessary.
- 4. Use natural expression Original: little anxiety about possible criminality Suggested revision: little fear of crime Why it matters: 'Fear of crime' is the standard concise expression for the intended meaning.
- 5. Add participial comma Original: criminals thereby Suggested revision: criminals, thereby Why it matters: A comma is needed before the participial phrase explaining the additional result.
- 6. Fix deterrence collocation Original: increasing the deterrence of potential offences Suggested revision: deterring potential offenders Why it matters: Law-enforcement action deters people from offending rather than increasing the deterrence of offences.
- 7. Remove adjective comma Original: deeper, societal roots Suggested revision: deeper societal roots Why it matters: The cumulative adjectives jointly modify 'roots' and should not be separated by a comma.
- 8. Avoid absolute phrasing Original: entire Suggested revision: main Why it matters: 'Main motive' fits the following qualification 'most crimes' more coherently than the absolute 'entire'.
- 9. Fix modifier order Original: A still significant proportion Suggested revision: A significant proportion Why it matters: 'Still' is misplaced before the adjective and is unnecessary for the intended meaning.
- 10. Improve adverb position Original: has reduced certain kinds of criminality greatly Suggested revision: has greatly reduced certain kinds of criminality Why it matters: Placing the degree adverb before the participle produces a more natural verb phrase.
- 11. Add clause comma Original: likely impossible and therefore Suggested revision: likely impossible, and therefore Why it matters: A comma should precede 'and' when it joins two independent clauses.
- 12. Strengthen example link Suggested revision: Make the connection between the surveillance example and the opening claim explicit before presenting the list of technologies. Why it matters: The paragraph moves from the claim that little more can be done to surveillance methods without clearly stating the logical link.
Suggested Rewrites
- crime no longer needs addressing crime no longer needs to be addressed
- situation view
- Security surveillance Surveillance
- little anxiety about possible criminality little fear of crime
- criminals thereby criminals, thereby
- increasing the deterrence of potential offences deterring potential offenders
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response offers a clear, nuanced position and develops both perspectives through a logically sequenced discussion with sophisticated language. Its main limitation is that several claims, particularly about poverty and national crime rates, are overly absolute and would benefit from more qualified support. The highest-priority improvement is to make the evidence and causal reasoning more measured and precise while retaining the essay's strong structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed directly, the writer's position remains clear, and the principal ideas are substantially developed.
Qualify broad claims about the causes of crime and support them with more carefully framed reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from the limited-action view to further preventive measures, with effective paragraphing and referencing.
Strengthen the transition within the second body paragraph between poverty, mental health, and online extremism.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and generally precise, including effective language for surveillance, deterrence, and social causes.
Avoid absolute or slightly overstated phrasing when discussing complex causal relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is handled with strong accuracy and only occasional minor punctuation or phrasing issues.
Polish longer sentences by checking comma placement around participial and linking phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.