Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
These days, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children and some people feel that it should be banned. While advertising can have several negative impacts on children, I believe it should not be completely banned.
On the one hand, commercials aimed at children can have a detrimental impact, particularly on the relationship between parents and their children. Many children are easily manipulated to want things they see in advertisements, and this may cause conflicts between parents and children if parents deny their children of something they want. In addition, advertising targeted at children can have negative effects on their health, as many fast food and junk food companies these days direct their marketing strategies towards children, making their products appear to be healthy and appealing. Unfortunately, most children do not understand the concept of advertising and are easily persuaded to purchase these unhealthy foods, and as a consequence, can be at risk of many serious health issues, such as obesity and diabetes.
On the other hand, I feel that there should not be a ban on advertising aimed at children because advertising is one of the key aspects of a prosperous economy. If bans were to be placed on commercials, many companies would suffer from a decrease in sales and profits, which would eventually affect unemployment rates and the economy. For example, Coca Cola provides thousands of employment opportunities in advertising throughout its branches across different regions around the world. If advertising was banned, a large number of workers, such as marketers, may become unemployed, and as a result, the government will have to provide temporary financial support for those unemployed people.
In conclusion, although advertising aimed at children may have certain negative impacts regarding family relationships and health, imposing a prohibition on it is unreasonable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove incorrect preposition Original: deny their children of something Suggested revision: deny their children something Why it matters: The verb 'deny' takes the person directly before the thing being refused.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: marketing strategies towards children Suggested revision: marketing strategies aimed at children Why it matters: 'Aimed at children' is the more natural collocation for targeted marketing.
- 3. Choose precise verb Original: purchase Suggested revision: consume Why it matters: 'Consume' better matches the subsequent discussion of health consequences.
- 4. Use precise phrasing Original: placed on commercials Suggested revision: imposed on advertising Why it matters: A ban is normally 'imposed,' and 'advertising' accurately describes the wider activity.
- 5. State effect precisely Original: affect unemployment rates Suggested revision: increase unemployment Why it matters: The revision states the specific economic effect claimed in the paragraph.
- 6. Remove wordiness Original: throughout its branches across different regions around the world Suggested revision: across its branches worldwide Why it matters: This concise phrase preserves the geographical scope without repetition.
- 7. Refine hypothetical form Original: was Suggested revision: were Why it matters: 'Were' is the conventional form for this hypothetical condition.
- 8. Match conditional tense Original: will Suggested revision: would Why it matters: The result clause should use 'would' to match the hypothetical condition.
- 9. Use correct preposition Original: regarding Suggested revision: on Why it matters: 'Impact on' is the natural collocation when naming what is affected.
- 10. Clarify reference Original: a prohibition on it Suggested revision: a prohibition on such advertising Why it matters: Naming the advertising directly removes the vague pronoun reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- deny their children of something deny their children something
- marketing strategies towards children marketing strategies aimed at children
- purchase consume
- placed on commercials imposed on advertising
- affect unemployment rates increase unemployment
- throughout its branches across different regions around the world across its branches worldwide
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with logically organised discussion of family, health, and economic consequences. Its main limitation is that the economic counterargument concerns banning advertising generally rather than focusing precisely on advertising aimed at children, and some causal claims remain somewhat broad. Prioritise developing a more targeted counterargument that directly explains why regulating child-focused advertising would be preferable to a complete ban.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed with a clear position and relevant, generally developed arguments on both the harms and the case against a complete ban.
Develop the economic counterargument more specifically around advertising aimed at children and distinguish clearly between a total ban and proportionate regulation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Strengthen the internal progression of the second body paragraph by making each economic consequence follow more explicitly from the proposed ban.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys precise meanings, including effective topic language, despite a few awkward collocations such as denying children of something.
Refine collocations and causal phrasing, for example using deny children something and increase unemployment rather than affect unemployment rates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentence forms is handled with good control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Improve accuracy in conditional and reference structures, particularly where long sentences link advertising, persuasion, and health consequences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.