The high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising but not the real need of the society where such products are sold. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is an observable fact in the present lifestyle society has adopted that the inclination towards fashionable commodities has surpassed the needs of people. The chief goal of the promotion of products is to boost sales and this has been the sole aim of advertisements for quite some time now. I strongly believe that contemporary marketing techniques neglect the true necessities of humankind. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the topic in its entirety and justify my views on the same.
Presently, advertisements have become the prime medium for communication between corporations and its audience. Research for the discovery of innovative avenues to attract customers is a standard practice among multinationals lately. That being said, the potential of these mediums is often underestimated and limited to expanding the revenue of a company. Since a huge amount of capital is invested in the development of such promotional ventures, deviating the agenda from accruing returns can turn out to be expensive for a firm. Thus, the use of promotional activities is often confined to only enticing people to buy a particular product.
Furthermore, the decision of the core message of any marketing material of an organization is not dependent on any single individual. An advertisement has to go through several levels of inspection and approvals before being broadcast to the public. Therefore, creative interests often clash with organizational objectives and policies. Moreover, the fact that viewers tend to enjoy promotions that are simple and captivating has to be acknowledged when creating similar content.
Although the existence of corporations like Cadbury, whose marketing campaigns always revolve around positive ideas like harmony and culture, cannot be disregarded, the current tendency of people to chase anything that is in fashion is rising perpetually, thanks to present-day advertising strategies.
To sum up, modern habits of invariably appreciating products merely by their marketability are becoming disturbingly prevalent. The existing advertising practices need to be updated to bring any significant improvement in customer behaviour.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: the promotion of products Suggested revision: product promotion Why it matters: The compact noun phrase expresses the same idea more naturally.
- 2. Remove vague reference Original: views on the same Suggested revision: views Why it matters: “The same” is an unnecessary and vague reference to the topic already named.
- 3. Match the plural noun Original: its audience Suggested revision: their audiences Why it matters: The possessive and noun should agree with the plural antecedent “corporations”.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: Research for the discovery of innovative avenues Suggested revision: Research into innovative ways Why it matters: The revision uses the conventional preposition and avoids an overly abstract expression.
- 5. Use the correct plural Original: mediums Suggested revision: media Why it matters: “Media” is the standard plural form of “medium” in this context.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: deviating the agenda Suggested revision: shifting the focus Why it matters: “Shift the focus” is the natural expression for changing a venture’s commercial priority.
- 7. Remove redundant limiter Original: confined to only enticing Suggested revision: confined to enticing Why it matters: “Confined to” already conveys limitation, so “only” is redundant.
- 8. Correct the noun phrase Original: decision Suggested revision: choice Why it matters: “Choice of” is the idiomatic noun phrase for selecting a message.
- 9. Use parallel nouns Original: approvals Suggested revision: approval Why it matters: The coordinated process nouns should use consistent singular forms here.
- 10. Use a natural collocation Original: rising perpetually Suggested revision: constantly growing Why it matters: The revised verb phrase describes an ongoing increase more naturally.
- 11. Use precise terminology Original: sole aim of advertisements Suggested revision: primary aim of advertising Why it matters: “Advertising” names the practice more naturally, while “primary” avoids an unsupported absolute.
- 12. Use direct wording Original: true necessities of humankind Suggested revision: people’s genuine needs Why it matters: The direct phrase aligns more clearly with the social needs discussed in the question.
Suggested Rewrites
- the promotion of products product promotion
- views on the same views
- its audience their audiences
- Research for the discovery of innovative avenues Research into innovative ways
- mediums media
- deviating the agenda shifting the focus
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a consistent opinion and uses an impressively broad vocabulary within a clearly signposted structure. However, much of the discussion explains how companies design advertising rather than demonstrating that high sales arise from advertising instead of genuine social need, so the argument remains partly indirect. Focus each body paragraph on one element of the claim and support it with a concrete consumer example and explicit reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, but several developed points are only indirectly relevant to the precise claim about sales and real needs.
Directly compare advertising-driven demand with genuine consumer need in each body paragraph and substantiate the comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly organised and cohesive, though the progression weakens when the discussion shifts to internal approval processes.
Use topic sentences that show how every paragraph advances the central argument about advertising and consumer demand.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a wide vocabulary, but several formal expressions and collocations sound strained or imprecise.
Choose more natural, exact phrasing and avoid inflated formulations when a simpler expression conveys the point better.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and mostly well controlled, with a few agreement and reference errors.
Check agreement and pronoun reference carefully, especially where singular organisations are followed by possessive forms.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising but not the real need of the society where such products are sold. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.