Advertising brings many benefits to the economy, but it also makes people dissatisfied with what they already have. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some people believe advertising plays an important role in economic growth, others argue that it makes people unhappy with what they already own. This essay argues that although advertising helps businesses grow and encourages innovation, it can also create feelings of dissatisfaction and financial pressure among consumers.
From an economic perspective, advertising is a fundamental tool that bolsters business viability and consumer awareness. By leveraging diverse channels such as television and social media, companies can effectively broadcast their offerings to a global audience, which directly leads to increased sales and higher profit margins. For instance, digital advertising campaigns have empowered small businesses to reach expansive markets at a fraction of the cost of traditional media, allowing them to scale their operations with unprecedented speed. Furthermore, the presence of robust advertising encourages a climate of healthy competition and continuous innovation. As technology firms vie for market share through aggressive promotion, they are compelled to enhance product quality and introduce sophisticated features to distinguish themselves. Consequently, this cycle of promotion and development stimulates overall economic activity and ensures a higher standard of goods for the populace.
However, these economic advantages are often offset by the psychological dissatisfaction that pervasive advertising can instill in consumers. Specifically, advertisements frequently depict idealized luxury lifestyles and fashionable trends, which prompts individuals to engage in unfavorable comparisons between their own lives and these fabricated images. As a result of this constant exposure to "upgraded" versions of reality, many people begin to perceive their current possessions as outdated or substandard, leading to a diminished sense of contentment. Moreover, the pressure to maintain social status through consumption often drives individuals to spend beyond their financial means. For instance, younger demographics are particularly susceptible to advertisements for high-end smartphones and apparel, frequently purchasing these items solely to adhere to transient trends. This desire to emulate advertised perfection inevitably leads to unnecessary expenditure and heightened financial stress, ultimately cultivating long-term personal dissatisfaction.
In conclusion, while advertising performs a crucial role in driving business growth and fostering industrial innovation, its propensity to generate unrealistic desires cannot be ignored.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel collocations Original: bolsters business viability and consumer awareness Suggested revision: strengthens business viability and raises consumer awareness Why it matters: The two revised verbs collocate more naturally with their respective objects.
- 2. Choose natural wording Original: broadcast Suggested revision: promote Why it matters: Companies generally “promote” products or services rather than “broadcast” them.
- 3. Tighten the link Original: which directly leads to increased sales Suggested revision: thereby directly increasing sales Why it matters: The participial link refers more clearly to the companies’ promotional activity.
- 4. Avoid inflated wording Original: empowered Suggested revision: enabled Why it matters: “Enabled” states the practical effect more precisely and neutrally.
- 5. Fix the collocation Original: expansive Suggested revision: broader Why it matters: “Broader markets” is the natural expression for an expanded customer reach.
- 6. Simplify dense phrasing Original: the presence of robust advertising encourages a climate Suggested revision: widespread advertising fosters a climate Why it matters: The revision conveys the same idea more directly and idiomatically.
- 7. Use precise phrasing Original: a higher standard of goods Suggested revision: higher-quality goods Why it matters: The adjective phrase expresses product quality more directly.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: psychological dissatisfaction Suggested revision: dissatisfaction Why it matters: Dissatisfaction already describes a psychological state, so the modifier adds little meaning.
- 9. Match subject and verb Original: prompts Suggested revision: prompt Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the plural noun “advertisements,” so the verb must be plural.
- 10. Refer to people directly Original: demographics Suggested revision: consumers Why it matters: “Consumers” refers directly to people, whereas “demographics” usually denotes population groups or data.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: adhere to transient trends Suggested revision: follow fleeting trends Why it matters: People more naturally “follow” trends, and “fleeting” clearly conveys their short duration.
- 12. Fix the collocation Original: performs Suggested revision: plays Why it matters: The established expression is “plays a crucial role.”
Suggested Rewrites
- bolsters business viability and consumer awareness strengthens business viability and raises consumer awareness
- broadcast promote
- which directly leads to increased sales thereby directly increasing sales
- empowered enabled
- expansive broader
- the presence of robust advertising encourages a climate widespread advertising fosters a climate
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives an impressively developed and balanced account of advertising's economic and psychological effects, with smooth progression and sophisticated vocabulary. The main weakness is that the writer's own opinion remains implicit: the introduction presents both consequences, while the conclusion says the negative effect cannot be ignored without clearly weighing the two sides. The highest-priority improvement is to state an unambiguous judgment and carry it consistently through the essay.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth with relevant explanations and examples, but the required personal opinion is not stated clearly enough.
Make an explicit comparative judgment about whether the economic benefits outweigh the consumer dissatisfaction and reaffirm it in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is exceptionally well sequenced, with focused paragraphs and cohesive links that make the extended arguments easy to follow.
Preserve this progression while trimming a few elaborative sentences so the controlling argument remains prominent.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad, flexible vocabulary, though a few choices are over-formal or slightly unnatural in context.
Prefer idiomatic formulations such as "plays a crucial role" and avoid inflated combinations such as "expansive markets."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are handled with strong control, and the few errors, including one subject-verb agreement lapse, do not impede meaning.
Check agreement carefully in relative clauses, as in "advertisements ... which prompt individuals," while retaining the current structural range.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Advertising brings many benefits to the economy, but it also makes people dissatisfied with what they already have. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.