Some people think placing advertisements in schools is a great resource for public schools that need additional funding, but others think it exploits children by treating them as a captive audience for corporate sponsors. Choose which position you most agree with and discuss why you chose that position. Support your point of view with details s, observations or reading.
Sample Response
It is a true fact to consider that in the present day society, the advertisement has become most popular media resource in the competitive market. Considering this, there are some analysts who hold an opinion that the public schools are better places to advertise to increase the funds for the schools, while others consider that it will cause to children to be exploited it will make them as captive audiences. ThisThat essay will examineassertion both sides of the argumentboth side of the contentions before deducing a reasonable conclusion.
There are many people who oppose placing advertisementswho speak not to place advertisements to increase funds in public schools. First and foremost, distraction among studentsdistracted juveniles could be a significant factor. It is generally seen that when companies place the huge colourful advertisement in school, children would more focus in advertisement and they would put less concentrate on studies. For instance, the majority of businessesthe majority of the businesses are placing advertisements in schools to attract more studentsto focus more students’ attraction for their products. Therefore, if pupils do not have enough money to buy the advertised productsfulfil their requirements, they might get involved in some form of criminal activitysome sort of criminals activities. It is natural that if a billboard advertisement promotes luxury itemsfocuses on presenting luxury items, poor students whose parents cannot afford them would feel deprived.
There are some groups who are in favour of placing advertisements to increase funding for public schoolsincrease fund in public schools in spite of views discussed above against placing advertisementsregarding not to placing advertisements in public school. An increase in school facilitiesAn increasing number of facilities could be a substantial reason behind the proponents' viewpointthe opponent's viewpoint. Nowadays, businesses spendspent thousands of dollars to reachdollars for reaching their targetcompetitive market. Therefore, if they can place advertisements in the right place, they wouldthe right place they would spend more than usual, for example, sponsoring new buildingssponsoring for new buildings and equipment. In last, undoubtedly, whether placing advertisements in public school or not is always a matter of discussion; however, as far as I am concerned, advertisements should be banned in the school environment and we should make better and serene environment for kids in schools.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognisable structure and presents relevant concerns about distraction, deprivation, and school funding before ultimately opposing advertising. Its main limitation is that the position is delayed and the supporting logic is sometimes unclear, while frequent language errors make several sentences difficult to follow. State the chosen position in the introduction, develop two directly relevant reasons for it, and revise sentence construction and collocations for clearer communication.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both views and eventually gives a clear preference, but the chosen position is delayed and several supporting points are only partly developed.
State the opposition to school advertising immediately and build two well-explained reasons that directly justify that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is recognisable, but progression within paragraphs is uneven and some links between claims are unclear or mechanical.
Use clear topic sentences and explain each cause-and-effect step before moving to the next idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, though frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as put less concentrate, criminals activities, and reach their competitive market with standard academic expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, and word forms sometimes impede understanding.
Write shorter complete sentences and check each one for a clear subject, correctly formed verb, and accurate clause connection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think placing advertisements in schools is a great resource for public schools that need additional funding, but others think it exploits children by treating them as a captive audience for corporate sponsors. Choose which position you most agree with and discuss why you chose that position. Support your point of view with details s, observations or reading.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.