Some people think placing advertisements in schools is a great resource for public schools that need additional funding, but others think it exploits children by treating them as a captive audience for corporate sponsors. Choose which position you most agree with and discuss why you chose that position. Support your point of view with details s, observations or reading.
Sample Response
It is a true fact to consider that in the present day society, the advertisement has become most popular media resource in the competitive market. Considering this, there are some analysts who hold an opinion that the public schools are better places to advertise to increase the funds for the schools, while others consider that it will cause to children to be exploited it will make them as captive audiences. That essay will assertion both side of the contentions before deducing a reasonable conclusion.
There are many people who speak not to place advertisements to increase funds in public schools. First and foremost, distracted juveniles could be a significant factor. It is generally seen that when companies place the huge colourful advertisement in school, children would more focus in advertisement and they would put less concentrate on studies. For instance, the majority of the businesses are placing advertisements in schools to focus more students’ attraction for their products. Therefore, if pupils do not have enough money to fulfil their requirements, they might get involved in some sort of criminals activities. It is natural that if a billboard advertisement focuses on presenting luxury items, poor students whose parents cannot afford them would feel deprived.
There are some groups who are in favour of placing advertisements to increase fund in public schools in spite of views discussed above regarding not to placing advertisements in public school. An increasing number of facilities could be a substantial reason behind the opponent's viewpoint. Nowadays, businesses spent thousands of dollars for reaching their competitive market. Therefore, if they can place advertisements in the right place they would spend more than usual, for example, sponsoring for new buildings and equipment. In last, undoubtedly, whether placing advertisements in public school or not is always a matter of discussion; however, as far as I am concerned, advertisements should be banned in the school environment and we should make better and serene environment for kids in schools.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the reference Original: That Suggested revision: This Why it matters: This is required when referring to the essay currently being written.
- 2. Use a verb Original: assertion Suggested revision: examine Why it matters: Assertion is a noun, whereas a verb is required after will.
- 3. Fix number and phrasing Original: both side of the contentions Suggested revision: both sides of the argument Why it matters: Both requires a plural noun, and argument is the natural term for the debate.
- 4. Fix verb pattern Original: who speak not to place advertisements Suggested revision: who oppose placing advertisements Why it matters: Oppose takes a gerund and states the position naturally.
- 5. Clarify the factor Original: distracted juveniles Suggested revision: distraction among students Why it matters: The issue is student distraction, not the students themselves.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: the majority of the businesses Suggested revision: the majority of businesses Why it matters: Businesses is a general plural reference and does not require the.
- 7. Fix awkward phrase Original: to focus more students’ attraction Suggested revision: to attract more students Why it matters: Attract directly expresses the intended purpose of the advertisements.
- 8. Clarify the meaning Original: fulfil their requirements Suggested revision: buy the advertised products Why it matters: The revision identifies what pupils supposedly lack money to obtain.
- 9. Correct noun phrase Original: some sort of criminals activities Suggested revision: some form of criminal activity Why it matters: Criminal must be an adjective here, and activity is uncountable in this general phrase.
- 10. Use natural verb Original: focuses on presenting luxury items Suggested revision: promotes luxury items Why it matters: Promotes is the standard verb for what an advertisement does.
- 11. Use uncountable funding Original: increase fund in public schools Suggested revision: increase funding for public schools Why it matters: Funding is uncountable here, and for correctly marks the recipient.
- 12. Fix gerund construction Original: regarding not to placing advertisements Suggested revision: against placing advertisements Why it matters: Against takes a gerund and expresses the opposing view concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- That This
- assertion examine
- both side of the contentions both sides of the argument
- who speak not to place advertisements who oppose placing advertisements
- distracted juveniles distraction among students
- the majority of the businesses the majority of businesses
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognisable structure and presents relevant concerns about distraction, deprivation, and school funding before ultimately opposing advertising. Its main limitation is that the position is delayed and the supporting logic is sometimes unclear, while frequent language errors make several sentences difficult to follow. State the chosen position in the introduction, develop two directly relevant reasons for it, and revise sentence construction and collocations for clearer communication.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both views and eventually gives a clear preference, but the chosen position is delayed and several supporting points are only partly developed.
State the opposition to school advertising immediately and build two well-explained reasons that directly justify that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is recognisable, but progression within paragraphs is uneven and some links between claims are unclear or mechanical.
Use clear topic sentences and explain each cause-and-effect step before moving to the next idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, though frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as put less concentrate, criminals activities, and reach their competitive market with standard academic expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, and word forms sometimes impede understanding.
Write shorter complete sentences and check each one for a clear subject, correctly formed verb, and accurate clause connection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think placing advertisements in schools is a great resource for public schools that need additional funding, but others think it exploits children by treating them as a captive audience for corporate sponsors. Choose which position you most agree with and discuss why you chose that position. Support your point of view with details s, observations or reading.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.