In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Some are of the opinion that it is unethical to advertise to children. In my opinion, although at certain ages these advertisements should be permitted, in general children are too vulnerable a segment of the population.
Those who argue in favor of advertising to children point out it is not necessarily unfair. There are situations when even these proponents would concede advertising is exploitive, such as when there are commercials for cereals with high sugar content during cartoon shows. However, this is only a single instance. Many children, especially as they get older, are capable of thinking rationally, controlling their need for instant gratification, and would therefore like to be informed about new products they are interested in. If a child who is 10 years old sees an advertisement for a water park or sporting event, they might convince their parents to enjoy a fun, outdoors activity.
Nonetheless, most children are negatively impacted by advertisements as they lack self-control. Adults are more capable of inhibiting their desires while children are not experienced enough and their cognitive development does not allow for higher-order reasoning. For instance, if a young child sees an advertisement for alcohol or a violent videogame, there is a strong likelihood they will want to try it. Even if they do not actually get an opportunity to use an age-inappropriate product, the appeal of these products has already been deeply implanted. Recent research supports the contention that habits and impressions formed in early childhood are harder to leave behind later in life.
In conclusion, despite the feasibility of certain advertisements for older children, most marketing directed at impressionable children should be banned. This will be a difficult process to manage but many countries have undertaken it already.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the complement marker Original: point out it is Suggested revision: point out that it is Why it matters: ‘That’ clearly introduces the clause following ‘point out’.
- 2. Use standard spelling Original: exploitive Suggested revision: exploitative Why it matters: ‘Exploitative’ is the more widely accepted formal form in this context.
- 3. Correct adjective form Original: a fun, outdoors activity Suggested revision: a fun outdoor activity Why it matters: ‘Outdoor’ is the adjective modifying ‘activity’, and no comma is needed.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: impacted Suggested revision: affected Why it matters: ‘Affected’ is the more natural formal verb for the influence of advertisements.
- 5. Clarify the contrast Original: while children are not experienced enough Suggested revision: whereas children lack sufficient experience Why it matters: ‘Whereas’ marks the direct comparison more clearly and avoids the vague phrase ‘experienced enough’.
- 6. Use a precise collocation Original: harder to leave behind later in life Suggested revision: harder to change later in life Why it matters: Habits and impressions are more naturally described as difficult to change.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: they will want to try it Suggested revision: they will want to try the advertised product Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes ambiguity after the two different examples.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: has already been deeply implanted Suggested revision: has already become firmly established Why it matters: An appeal becomes established rather than being implanted.
- 9. Choose the intended noun Original: feasibility Suggested revision: acceptability Why it matters: ‘Acceptability’ expresses whether the advertising should be permitted, whereas ‘feasibility’ concerns practicality.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In my opinion, although at certain ages these advertisements should be permitted, in general children are too vulnerable a segment of the population. Suggested revision: In my opinion, although advertising aimed at older children may be permitted in some cases, children are generally too vulnerable a segment of the population. Why it matters: The original wording illogically assigns ages to advertisements and places ‘in general’ awkwardly.
Suggested Rewrites
- point out it is point out that it is
- exploitive exploitative
- a fun, outdoors activity a fun outdoor activity
- impacted affected
- while children are not experienced enough whereas children lack sufficient experience
- harder to leave behind later in life harder to change later in life
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both perspectives directly, sustains a nuanced opinion, and develops each side with well-chosen examples in a highly coherent progression. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in example choice and phrasing, particularly the move to alcohol and violent video games and expressions such as “fun, outdoors activity.” The best improvement would be to keep examples tightly aligned with the advertised goods in the prompt and polish the few awkward collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth, the opinion is clear throughout, and the supporting reasoning is relevant and well developed.
Keep every example tightly focused on child-directed advertising for the kinds of consumer goods identified in the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress smoothly through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used flexibly and unobtrusively.
Strengthen the transition from general advertising harms to the age-inappropriate product example so the line of argument is even tighter.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced arguments effectively, despite a few slightly awkward word choices.
Polish isolated collocations such as “outdoors activity” and select the most natural form of words such as “exploitative.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor slips do not affect clarity.
Check article, modifier, and comma choices in long sentences to achieve consistently polished accuracy.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.