At many companies today, applicants are often rejected due to old age. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
As many companies now value younger employees for their innovative mindset, many older employees find themselves rejected due to their age. I believe that this is a serious negative development with many adverse implications.
Firstly, rejecting applicants based on old age alone can lead to many consequences. The most critical one being massive unemployment with many negative results. For example, when older applicants cannot find jobs, they cannot support themselves and their families. As a result, society would witness multiple financial crises. Also, this will affect future generations as their parents most likely could not afford to pay for tuition. Another consequence would be that rejecting applicants based on age would mean discrimination based on a personal element. This violation of human rights would serve as a precedent for much more unfair treatment in the workplace, such as discrimination based on gender, race, or sexual orientation.
Secondly, I believe rejecting applicants based entirely on their age will eliminate many potential ones. Many industries, especially science, have tips and tricks that are not taught at schools. For example, many labs still hire old applicants because they have experience operating and fixing equipment that many fresh graduates would not be familiar with. Another reason is that older employees usually have more connections. These connections, more often than not, can help them complete tasks quicker than younger employees. For example, in the banking industry, to meet the KPI, bankers need to reach a minimum amount of money lent to businesses or individuals. Because older employees are more likely to have connections with successful business owners, they can accomplish this task better.
In conclusion, I believe that rejecting applicants due to old age is highly unethical and has no legitimate foundation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise age phrase Original: based on old age alone Suggested revision: based solely on age Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise way to express age as the only criterion.
- 2. Clarify economic effect Original: society would witness multiple financial crises Suggested revision: society would face widespread financial hardship Why it matters: “Multiple financial crises” inaccurately suggests several separate systemic events rather than hardship among affected families.
- 3. Keep conditional tense Original: will Suggested revision: would Why it matters: The modal should match the hypothetical “would” construction used in the surrounding argument.
- 4. Clarify cause and tense Original: as their parents most likely could not afford Suggested revision: because their parents would most likely be unable to afford Why it matters: “Because” states the causal link clearly, and “would” maintains the hypothetical time frame.
- 5. Use precise discrimination term Original: element Suggested revision: characteristic Why it matters: “Personal characteristic” is the appropriate term for an attribute such as age.
- 6. Improve precedent collocation Original: serve as a precedent for Suggested revision: set a precedent for Why it matters: The standard collocation is “set a precedent.”
- 7. Express extension clearly Original: much more unfair treatment Suggested revision: further unfair treatment Why it matters: “Further” clearly indicates an extension of discriminatory treatment without an awkward comparison.
- 8. Name the candidates Original: many potential ones Suggested revision: many capable candidates Why it matters: “Ones” has an unclear referent and does not express what kind of potential the applicants possess.
- 9. Use formal terminology Original: tips and tricks Suggested revision: practical techniques Why it matters: “Practical techniques” is more precise and suitably formal for an academic essay.
- 10. Fix place preposition Original: at Suggested revision: in Why it matters: English uses “in” when referring to instruction that occurs within educational institutions.
- 11. Use neutral age term Original: old Suggested revision: older Why it matters: “Older applicants” is the neutral comparative expression used elsewhere in the response.
- 12. Use formal graduate term Original: fresh Suggested revision: recent Why it matters: “Recent graduates” is more formal and precise in this employment context.
Suggested Rewrites
- based on old age alone based solely on age
- society would witness multiple financial crises society would face widespread financial hardship
- will would
- as their parents most likely could not afford because their parents would most likely be unable to afford
- element characteristic
- serve as a precedent for set a precedent for
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear negative position and supports it with two well-developed lines of argument, using relevant workplace examples and a logical overall structure. Its main limitation is imprecise or exaggerated phrasing in places, alongside some awkward references and grammatical shifts that reduce polish. Focus first on expressing consequences more accurately and controlling sentence structure and tense consistently while preserving the strong development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The negative position is explicit throughout, and both social harm and lost workplace value are developed with relevant examples.
Qualify broad claims about unemployment and financial crises so that the reasoning remains persuasive and proportionate.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear logical sequence and effective paragraphing, although some references and transitions are slightly mechanical or vague.
Clarify references such as the most critical one and potential ones so each sentence connects precisely to the preceding idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, but several choices are informal, repetitive, or insufficiently precise for the context.
Replace vague phrases such as negative results and tips and tricks with specific, formal terms that express the intended meaning exactly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with generally clear meaning, but fragments and inconsistent tense or modal choices reduce accuracy.
Turn dependent fragments into complete sentences and maintain a consistent time frame when describing likely consequences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
At many companies today, applicants are often rejected due to old age. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.