In some countries, it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Age discrimination has long been a prevalent issue in the job market, with older individuals often facing challenges when seeking employment opportunities. However, some countries have taken a proactive stance against this practice by implementing laws that make it illegal to reject job applicants based on their age. This essay will discuss the implications of such a measure and argue that it is a positive development.
A major reason why it is a positive development is that it promotes equal opportunity in the workforce. Age should not be a determining factor in assessing an individual's ability to perform a job. By prohibiting age-based discrimination, employers are compelled to evaluate candidates based on their qualifications, skills, and experience, fostering a fairer and more meritocratic hiring process. For instance, in countries with age discrimination laws, senior professionals with extensive experience are given an equal chance to compete for job positions, which leads to a more diverse and skilled workforce.
Moreover, by embracing diversity in age, employers can benefit from a more productive and experienced workforce. Older employees often possess valuable expertise and a wealth of knowledge accumulated over years of working. Their experience can contribute significantly to problem-solving, decision-making, and mentoring younger colleagues. Tech companies, for example, that value the experience and perspective of older employees may find them instrumental in innovation and guiding younger teams through complex projects.
In conclusion, making it illegal to reject job applicants based on their age is undoubtedly a positive development as it fosters equal opportunity, taps into the potential of experienced workers, and addresses economic challenges in an ageing workforce. But we need to understand that the effectiveness of these laws depends on robust enforcement mechanisms and continuous efforts to challenge biases.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: seeking employment opportunities Suggested revision: seeking employment Why it matters: Employment already denotes the opportunity being sought, so the extra noun is unnecessary.
- 2. Tighten the topic sentence Original: A major reason why it is a positive development is that Suggested revision: A major reason this is a positive development is that Why it matters: Removing 'why' makes the clause more concise without changing its meaning.
- 3. Use a direct verb Original: employers are compelled to evaluate Suggested revision: employers must evaluate Why it matters: The modal form states the legal obligation more directly.
- 4. Improve the collocation Original: equal chance to compete for job positions Suggested revision: equal opportunity to compete for jobs Why it matters: Equal opportunity and compete for jobs are the more natural collocations.
- 5. Clarify the result link Original: which leads to a more diverse and skilled workforce Suggested revision: thereby contributing to a more diverse and skilled workforce Why it matters: The participial link makes the result refer clearly to the preceding hiring practice.
- 6. Use the standard phrase Original: diversity in age Suggested revision: age diversity Why it matters: Age diversity is the conventional concise term for this concept.
- 7. Reduce wordiness Original: a wealth of knowledge accumulated over years of working Suggested revision: knowledge accumulated over years of work Why it matters: The revision removes an inflated quantifier and uses the natural noun phrase 'years of work'.
- 8. Use a formal transition Original: But we need to understand that Suggested revision: However, Why it matters: The concise transition marks the qualification without directly addressing the reader.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Tech companies, for example, that value the experience and perspective of older employees may find them instrumental in innovation and guiding younger teams through complex projects. Suggested revision: For example, tech companies that value older employees' experience and perspectives may find these employees instrumental in driving innovation and guiding younger teams through complex projects. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the disruptive placement of 'for example', clarifies the pronoun, and restores parallel structure.
- 10. Reduce repeated wording Suggested revision: Vary or consolidate the repeated references to older employees' experience so each sentence advances from expertise to a distinct workplace application. Why it matters: Repeated uses of 'experience' make the paragraph's progression less economical.
Suggested Rewrites
- seeking employment opportunities seeking employment
- A major reason why it is a positive development is that A major reason this is a positive development is that
- employers are compelled to evaluate employers must evaluate
- equal chance to compete for job positions equal opportunity to compete for jobs
- which leads to a more diverse and skilled workforce thereby contributing to a more diverse and skilled workforce
- diversity in age age diversity
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response sustains a clear positive position and develops two distinct benefits with relevant explanations and concrete workplace illustrations. Its main limitation is that the final reference to economic challenges is not developed in the body, while a few phrases are slightly less precise than the otherwise strong language. The highest-priority improvement is to keep the conclusion strictly aligned with the established arguments or add body support for every final claim.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The task is answered directly through a clear position and well-developed reasons concerning fairness and workforce value.
Either develop the claim about economic challenges in the body or omit it from the conclusion to preserve complete support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly through clearly differentiated paragraphs, with cohesive devices used effectively and unobtrusively.
Strengthen the final synthesis by linking the enforcement caveat more explicitly to the two preceding benefits.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates wide and precise vocabulary, including effective topic-specific terms, with only rare awkward phrasing.
Polish isolated expressions such as 'years of working' and choose the most natural collocation in each context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Refine parallel structures in dense sentences so that combinations such as 'instrumental in innovation and guiding' are fully balanced.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.