In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is now fairly common to exclude the age of a job applicant from an application form so that the selection of a candidate is not based on this criteria. I view this as a positive development. There are certain reasons that an employer may feel this is not a step in the right direction. The main one is that they may feel they need to know a person’s age because the job is not suitable for an older person. This, for example, could be because they think there is a need to be very physically fit, such as work within the construction industry where heavy lifting is needed or other work where someone is expected to be very active all day. However, as a general rule it is better if rejection on the basis of age is not permitted. Although some jobs do need younger people, many employers will simply reject a candidate unfairly. For instance, they may simply be concerned about the image of the company and think a younger person will fit the face of the company better even though an older person may be just as capable of carrying out the role. Another reason is that older people have things to offer employers that younger people may not be able to. If it is a job within a particular field, such as law or accountancy, then the older person will have many skills in this area through working in it for so long. In addition to this, they will also bring a wealth of life experiences that a younger person may not have, which is also beneficial to any role. All in all, it is therefore a positive development if employers cannot reject someone because of their age. Hopefully more countries will adopt this rule so older people have equal opportunities everywhere.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: exclude the age of a job applicant from an application form Suggested revision: omit a job applicant’s age from the application form Why it matters: This phrasing states more naturally that the form does not request the applicant’s age.
- 2. Fix singular agreement Original: criteria Suggested revision: criterion Why it matters: The singular determiner “this” requires the singular noun “criterion.”
- 3. State recommendation directly Original: it is better if rejection on the basis of age is not permitted Suggested revision: rejection on the basis of age should not be permitted Why it matters: Using “should” expresses the recommendation more directly and naturally.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: fit the face of the company better Suggested revision: fit the company’s image better Why it matters: “Fit the company’s image” is the natural collocation for matching an employer’s desired public profile.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: things to offer employers Suggested revision: valuable qualities to offer employers Why it matters: “Valuable qualities” identifies the benefit more precisely than the vague word “things.”
- 6. Use general reference Original: the Suggested revision: an Why it matters: The indefinite article is more natural when referring to any older applicant rather than a previously identified person.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: skills in this area Suggested revision: skills in that field Why it matters: “That field” refers more precisely to the previously mentioned professional area.
- 8. Make experience precise Original: through working in it for so long Suggested revision: through working in the field for many years Why it matters: The revision replaces vague pronouns and informal wording with a precise expression of experience.
- 9. Use uncountable experience Original: experiences Suggested revision: experience Why it matters: “Life experience” is normally uncountable when referring collectively to knowledge gained through living.
- 10. Avoid absolute wording Original: which is also beneficial to any role Suggested revision: which can also be beneficial in many roles Why it matters: “Can” and “many roles” make the benefit appropriately qualified and more natural.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This, for example, could be because they think there is a need to be very physically fit, such as work within the construction industry where heavy lifting is needed or other work where someone is expected to be very active all day. Suggested revision: For example, an employer may consider a job unsuitable for an older person if it requires considerable physical fitness, as in construction work involving heavy lifting or other roles that demand activity throughout the day. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty link between physical fitness and the examples while preserving the original claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- exclude the age of a job applicant from an application form omit a job applicant’s age from the application form
- criteria criterion
- it is better if rejection on the basis of age is not permitted rejection on the basis of age should not be permitted
- fit the face of the company better fit the company’s image better
- things to offer employers valuable qualities to offer employers
- the an
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its direct, consistent position, supported by a sensible concession and two relevant reasons concerning unfair image-based rejection and older workers’ experience. Its main limitation is that all ideas appear in one unbroken paragraph, which weakens the visible hierarchy of the argument. The highest priority is to separate the concession, supporting reasons, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs while refining a few awkward expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, maintains a clear positive position, and develops relevant reasons with appropriate examples.
Develop the construction-work concession more precisely by explaining how an age-neutral fitness requirement could address that concern.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through a concession, supporting reasons, and a conclusion, but the single-paragraph presentation obscures this structure.
Divide the response into clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, giving each body paragraph one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, although a few expressions such as fitting the face of a company sound unnatural.
Replace awkward collocations with natural alternatives and reduce repeated use of general terms such as person, job, and role.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately overall, with only occasional agreement and reference problems.
Proofread noun agreement and pronoun reference, especially constructions such as this criteria and singular employers referred to as they.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.