In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Advances in medical science are resulting in prolonged lifespans but there is a knock-on effect for public health services with many hospitals struggling to cope with an aging populace. Many countries enjoy the benefits of free or subsidised national public health services. However, there are some within senior health management who claim that such provision will become unsustainable, and I firmly agree that changes need to be made in order to reflect this changing reality. Despite the notion that healthcare should be 'free', such care is predominantly funded by the taxpayer. To give a specific example, a recent report in my country established that almost 40% of the nation’s tax spending is distributed to healthcare and some 80% of that figure is reserved for treating the elderly. This is a disproportionate amount of money which has greatly increased the burden on the state and existing funding is no longer sufficient to meet these needs. This is turn impacts on the standard of care that can be provided as shown by numerous negative media reports about the conditions for both staff and patients. If we want quality healthcare then, clearly this financial burden needs to be alleviated. One way to do so would be to increase the contributions made by citizens through increased taxation. Alternatively, governments could encourage those who can afford it to take up private healthcare arrangements. By switching to a private model, the well-off can afford a higher quality of care, while at the same relieving pressure on public services for those who do not have the means to go private. One thing is for certain, an ageing population has increased the pressure on existing health provision. If we are going to maintain the standards of healthcare that we are used to, more funding needs to be found either through taxation and alternative forms of provision should be considered. Otherwise, standards will fall and people’s lives will be put at risk.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun 'effect' takes 'on' when identifying what is affected.
- 2. Use precise funding verb Original: distributed Suggested revision: allocated Why it matters: Funds are 'allocated to' a service rather than 'distributed to' it.
- 3. Separate independent clauses Original: on the state and existing Suggested revision: on the state, and existing Why it matters: A comma is needed before 'and' because it joins two independent clauses.
- 4. Correct fixed phrase Original: is Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The linking phrase is 'in turn', not 'is turn'.
- 5. Use direct verb Original: impacts on the standard Suggested revision: affects the standard Why it matters: 'Affects' is a clearer and more direct verb in this sentence.
- 6. Place comma correctly Original: then, clearly Suggested revision: then clearly, Why it matters: The comma should follow the introductory adverb 'clearly', not 'then'.
- 7. Avoid repeated wording Original: increased Suggested revision: higher Why it matters: 'Higher taxation' avoids repeating 'increase' from earlier in the sentence.
- 8. Improve collocation Original: take up private healthcare arrangements Suggested revision: make private healthcare arrangements Why it matters: People 'make' healthcare arrangements rather than 'take them up'.
- 9. Complete fixed expression Original: at the same relieving pressure Suggested revision: at the same time relieving pressure Why it matters: The fixed expression 'at the same time' requires the noun 'time'.
- 10. Fix comma splice Original: One thing is for certain, Suggested revision: One thing is certain: Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the certain point that follows and removes the unnecessary preposition.
- 11. Fix coordination Original: either through taxation and Suggested revision: through taxation, and Why it matters: Removing 'either' resolves the incomplete 'either...or' structure and separates the two proposed actions.
- 12. Use direct verb Original: are resulting in prolonged lifespans Suggested revision: are prolonging lifespans Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the causal relationship more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- for on
- distributed allocated
- on the state and existing on the state, and existing
- is in
- impacts on the standard affects the standard
- then, clearly then clearly,
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response takes a firm position and supports it with a focused explanation of the funding pressure created by an ageing population, followed by practical financing options. The argument remains clear, but the single-block presentation and several noticeable sentence-level slips weaken control and readability. Prioritise dividing the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and proofreading complex sentences for missing words and faulty coordination.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and the financial argument is relevant, well supported, and extended through practical alternatives.
Clarify how far responsibility should fall on all citizens versus those able to purchase private care.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from the funding problem to possible solutions, but presenting everything as one paragraph limits structural clarity.
Separate the introduction, funding rationale, proposed solutions, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for healthcare finance, public services, and demographic pressure.
Refine occasional imprecise combinations such as descriptions of tax allocation and healthcare provision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is mostly well controlled, although several missing words and coordination errors are noticeable.
Proofread complex clauses for omitted words and ensure paired structures such as alternatives are grammatically parallel.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.