The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social and economic problems for society in the future, especially for the younger generation. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social In this modern era, the old people of rich nations creates problems for the youth socially and economically. some people believe that elders are a burden on the youngsters, however, I do not agree with this statement because they are a part and parcel of our life and perform an important role in our daily activities. this will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social
We cannot ignore the valuable contribution of active and healthy aged individuals. firstly, when we go out for the daily work, they look after the children and take care of them. by doing this, they save our large part of the money which could be used to improve the living standard of the family. secondly, they remove the loneliness and tiredness because when we come back from work, we have gossips with them which give us relief. The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social
Furthermore, our grandparents become our role models and help us in our career development. for instance, they have a lot of experience and knowledge from the past and this can be useful in our future perspective. likewise, they have seen many ups and downs in their early time. so, they could advise us and give confidence in our difficult time. The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social
In conclusion, whether aged persons creates problems for young persons but they lead us from the front and are our well-wishers in a real sense. The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix capitalization and reference Original: this will be discussed Suggested revision: This issue will be discussed Why it matters: A new sentence needs a capital letter, and ‘this issue’ gives the pronoun a clear reference.
- 2. Delete copied fragment Original: upcoming paragraphs. The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social Suggested revision: upcoming paragraphs. Why it matters: The repeated task fragment interrupts the paragraph and does not form a complete sentence.
- 3. Capitalize the transition Original: firstly Suggested revision: Firstly Why it matters: The transition begins a new sentence and therefore needs a capital letter.
- 4. Remove the article Original: the daily work Suggested revision: work Why it matters: ‘Work’ is used as an uncountable general activity here.
- 5. Remove repetition Original: look after the children and take care of them Suggested revision: look after the children Why it matters: Both expressions convey the same meaning, so the second is redundant.
- 6. Capitalize the sentence Original: by Suggested revision: By Why it matters: The phrase begins a new sentence and needs an initial capital letter.
- 7. Correct the object pattern Original: save our large part of the money Suggested revision: save us a large amount of money Why it matters: The verb needs an indirect object followed by the natural quantity phrase ‘a large amount of money’.
- 8. Use the standard phrase Original: the living standard of the family Suggested revision: the family’s standard of living Why it matters: ‘Standard of living’ is the established expression for material living conditions.
- 9. Capitalize the transition Original: secondly Suggested revision: Secondly Why it matters: The transition begins a new sentence and therefore needs a capital letter.
- 10. Use natural collocations Original: remove the loneliness and tiredness Suggested revision: relieve our loneliness and tiredness Why it matters: ‘Relieve’ collocates naturally with these feelings, and ‘our’ identifies who experiences them.
- 11. Correct the expression Original: we have gossips with them Suggested revision: we chat with them Why it matters: ‘Have gossips’ is not a natural expression for ordinary family conversation.
- 12. Repair and remove repetition Original: which give us relief. The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social Suggested revision: which gives us relief. Why it matters: The clause describing the preceding activity takes a singular verb, and the copied task fragment should be removed.
Suggested Rewrites
- this will be discussed This issue will be discussed
- upcoming paragraphs. The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social upcoming paragraphs.
- firstly Firstly
- the daily work work
- look after the children and take care of them look after the children
- by By
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a clear position and several relevant examples of how older people can support younger families, which gives it a workable argumentative core. However, repeated copied prompt fragments severely interrupt progression, while the discussion only indirectly tackles the predicted social and economic problems; the highest priority is to remove those fragments and develop a direct, carefully organised rebuttal of the stated consequences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear disagreement is maintained and supported with relevant benefits, although the predicted social and economic problems are addressed only indirectly.
Directly examine the claimed future burdens and explain why each would be offset or avoided.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and basic sequencing are apparent, but repeated prompt fragments break continuity and linking is mechanical.
Delete every repeated fragment and use complete topic sentences to create cleaner progression between ideas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to express the main argument, but frequent awkward collocations such as have gossips and future perspective reduce precision.
Choose natural collocations and check countability and word form when describing money, conversations, and experience.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, capitalisation, and sentence-boundary errors weaken control.
Prioritise complete sentences and consistent subject-verb agreement before adding more complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The aging population of more developed countries is going to cause social and economic problems for society in the future, especially for the younger generation. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.