Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s lifestyle? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions to address these issues.
Sample Response
Issues related to environmental problems are frequently discussed these days. It is generally accepted that the majority of farming fields are now transformed into modern shopping centres. Therefore, some problems and solutions for this issue will be discussed.
The first problem to consider is that many lives of individuals are getting affected by the development of modern buildings. Decreasing farmland areas is one of the major problems affected many people’s lives. This allows farmers cutting down their indirect financial process in terms of declining income. Hence, this increases the expenses in their family due to the fact that they do not have enough money for payments. The possible solution to this issue is to maintain farming lands and develop agricultural products for raising earnings. Notably, people should conserve their own lands to create their innovative goods and export to the regional market. Consequently, they can boost their income and have a life sustainability.
Another outstanding issue of concern is that a slumping of agricultural fields influences animal habitats. The reason for this is that many lands are transferred into commercial centres by human processes which cause devastating effects in animals. This possibly leads to imbalance ecosystem due to the reason that human actions destroy the house of animals by deforestation. Thus, it raises the animal extinction rates and makes more detrimental effects in animals. The solution to tackle these problems is to increase maintenance of animals by the government rules. They should mainly be able to invent a strict rule for conserving animal species and against buying and selling agricultural products. As a result, these keep a sustainable environment to the world.
In conclusion, it is acceptable that agricultural lands are changed into commercialized buildings by many human methods. However, we as a human should participate more on sustaining the lands to solve environmental problems.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: the majority of farming fields Suggested revision: most farmland Why it matters: 'Most farmland' is the natural and concise expression for this idea.
- 2. Use ongoing passive Original: are now transformed Suggested revision: are now being transformed Why it matters: The continuous passive form shows that the conversion is currently happening.
- 3. Fix possessive structure Original: many lives of individuals are getting affected Suggested revision: many individuals’ lives are being affected Why it matters: The possessive noun phrase and passive form make the relationship grammatical and clear.
- 4. Use participle form Original: affected Suggested revision: affecting Why it matters: The participle 'affecting' correctly modifies 'problems'.
- 5. Use precise verb Original: maintain farming lands Suggested revision: preserve farmland Why it matters: 'Preserve farmland' accurately expresses preventing its conversion.
- 6. Use infinitive purpose Original: for raising earnings Suggested revision: to increase earnings Why it matters: An infinitive expresses the purpose more naturally here.
- 7. Use natural production verb Original: create their innovative goods Suggested revision: produce innovative goods Why it matters: Goods are normally 'produced' rather than 'created' in this economic context.
- 8. Add the object Original: export to the regional market Suggested revision: export them to regional markets Why it matters: The transitive verb 'export' needs an object referring to the goods.
- 9. Fix noun phrase Original: have a life sustainability Suggested revision: have sustainable livelihoods Why it matters: 'Sustainable livelihoods' is the natural expression for lasting financial security.
- 10. Clarify land decline Original: a slumping of agricultural fields Suggested revision: a decline in agricultural land Why it matters: This phrase accurately describes the reduction in farmland.
- 11. Use uncountable land Original: many lands are transferred Suggested revision: much land is converted Why it matters: 'Land' is uncountable here, and 'converted' is the appropriate verb.
- 12. Fix preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The standard collocation is 'effects on'.
Suggested Rewrites
- the majority of farming fields most farmland
- are now transformed are now being transformed
- many lives of individuals are getting affected many individuals’ lives are being affected
- affected affecting
- maintain farming lands preserve farmland
- for raising earnings to increase earnings
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear problem-solution structure and covers effects on livelihoods and animal habitats as well as possible remedies. Its main limitation is that several explanations and proposed solutions are vague or illogical, while frequent collocational and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each effect with a clear cause-and-result chain and propose directly relevant, practical solutions in simpler, more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are addressed, but some effects and solutions are insufficiently explained or only partly relevant.
Link each environmental or lifestyle effect to one specific, feasible solution and explain how that solution would work.
Coherence and Cohesion
The problem-solution paragraphs create clear overall progression, though linking is often mechanical and references are sometimes unclear.
Use fewer formulaic connectors and make each pronoun or demonstrative refer unmistakably to the preceding idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Choose familiar, precise terms for income, habitats, conservation, and regulation instead of forcing less natural expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, and prepositions are frequent.
Prioritise accurate sentence patterns and check every clause for a complete structure and the correct verb form.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s lifestyle? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions to address these issues.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.