Air travel has brought negative impacts to the environment and therefore should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Increased in flights has brought significant disadvantages in the earth's ecosystem. Although some people believe that mode of transport should be prohibited in the society, it can be argued that there are considerable benefits of retaining the number of flights. Primarily, there are limited numbers of transportation to travel to overseas destinations and one of which is the aeroplane. In the past, primitive people travelled through ships or boats, yet it used to take them a very long time to reach other nations. It is widely believed that travelling at the wind is the expeditious means of reaching different countries at the desired time, and through aeroplanes, time will not be a problem for those people who have business meetings and personal appointments. Furthermore, it is often said that because of convenience in transportation, it is most likely that globalisation will be established in the entire countries. For instance, some foreign investors can launch their business in a country that has cheap labour and market goods, thus it will develop the nexus of trade and industry. In addition, if air transport is banned some countries, it would be a hindrance for those people to experience the leisure in other countries with rewarding amenities. To illustrate, there are many people who want to experience the luxury in abroad, and it would cost them too much time if they opt to a sea-based journey. Admittedly, air based travel has become a culprit towards widespread of much fumes which contribute to global warming, yet there are justifications that believe that there are also other sources of pollution, such as CFC producing appliances, fossil fuel reliant vehicles and methods of waste disposal. Thus, aeroplanes should not be blamed for the deterioration of the environment. In conclusion, I firmly believe that aeroplane travel should not be banned because it has several advantages and opportunities intended for people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use noun form Original: Increased in flights Suggested revision: An increase in flights Why it matters: The sentence needs a noun phrase as its subject.
- 2. Use precise collocation Original: disadvantages in the earth's ecosystem Suggested revision: damage to Earth's ecosystems Why it matters: Environmental harm is expressed more naturally as damage to ecosystems.
- 3. Add clear determiner Original: that Suggested revision: this Why it matters: The demonstrative should refer clearly to air travel already under discussion.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the society Suggested revision: in society Why it matters: Society is used without an article when referring to society in general.
- 5. Clarify intended meaning Original: benefits of retaining the number of flights Suggested revision: benefits of maintaining air services Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly express preserving access to air travel.
- 6. Use countable noun Original: limited numbers of transportation Suggested revision: limited means of transport Why it matters: Transportation is uncountable here, so means of transport is the correct expression.
- 7. Repair relative clause Original: and one of which is the aeroplane Suggested revision: one of which is air travel Why it matters: Removing the conjunction gives the relative clause a grammatical link to the preceding noun phrase.
- 8. Avoid inaccurate label Original: primitive people Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Primitive is an inappropriate and unnecessary description of earlier travellers.
- 9. Correct travel preposition Original: travelled through ships or boats Suggested revision: travelled by ship or boat Why it matters: English uses by with a mode of transport.
- 10. Clarify pronoun reference Original: yet it used to take them Suggested revision: but this took them Why it matters: This refers clearly to the journey, whereas it has no clear singular antecedent.
- 11. Use standard expression Original: travelling at the wind Suggested revision: air travel Why it matters: Travelling at the wind is not an established expression for flying.
- 12. Correct transport phrase Original: through aeroplanes Suggested revision: by air Why it matters: By air is the conventional phrase for describing this means of travel.
Suggested Rewrites
- Increased in flights An increase in flights
- disadvantages in the earth's ecosystem damage to Earth's ecosystems
- that this
- in the society in society
- benefits of retaining the number of flights benefits of maintaining air services
- limited numbers of transportation limited means of transport
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear opposition to restricting air travel and supports it with several relevant benefits, while its progression remains broadly understandable. Its main limitation is that the environmental case is treated briefly and dismissed through weak comparison with other pollution sources, and frequent awkward phrasing reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a direct, evidence-based explanation of why regulation would be less effective than practical environmental alternatives.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and several relevant benefits, but the environmental argument and the case against restriction are unevenly developed.
Directly compare aviation's environmental harm with specific restrictions or alternatives, then substantiate why the benefits justify the chosen position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly understandable sequence and use clear signposting, but the single dense paragraph and mechanical links weaken their hierarchy.
Divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and use each linking phrase to express an exact logical relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a varied and ambitious vocabulary, though inaccurate word choices and collocations regularly reduce precision.
Prioritise natural, context-appropriate collocations and verify unfamiliar formal words before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction weaken control while meaning remains mostly clear.
Edit each sentence for complete clause structure and consistently correct articles, prepositions, and verb forms.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Air travel has brought negative impacts to the environment and therefore should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.